Monday, July 07, 2008

Growing up too quickly



This amazing picture is by Tanya the magnificent.

Anika surprised me this morning when she said, 'Mama meato(mosquito) bit Atta hand'

I absently said," Oh poor baby, which hand?"

"Atta right hand"

I was surprised, I checked it really was the right hand, she pointed out. SO I proceeded, which is this hand, she said 'my left hand." I said, 'Wow baby, that's amazing! You are so smart!"

She smiled and said, " This Is Atta's right foot and this left", all correct. How did she learn this? Just from listening to us say, "going right now", in the car?

She is SO absorbent of EVERYTHING around her, its unbelievable, her grasp of language, her memory, her emotional intelligence just blow me away. Social skills are coming next.

She is suddenly very interested in all little people, at the park today she saw a little girl and asked me, "Mama what that girl name?' I said, 'I don't know sweetie maybe Sara'. She is not satisfied, "Atta have go ask her." She wants to be friends with everybody...even if they are running in the other direction.

In the park the other day, there was a little girl riding around on a sparkly scooter, you know the kind with tassels and pink wheels. Anika wanted a 'turn', another concept we have been working on because she had been coming woefully to me at play dates and saying, ' Sumbidy took way doll fom Atta hand'. So I tried to tell her that she has to say, "Its my turn now " if she wasn't ready to give it away. So that day in the park she said to me," Now Atta turn" while looking at the pink scooter entranced. I tried to tell her that is not our scooter and we can't play with it because that little girl is not a friend.

She says," She my friend, mama let Atta try ask her for turn."

No amount of reasoning worked, so we went over there and Anika asked the girl who said . "NO! It's Suzy's! " dropped the scooter and ran away.

My eyes welled up and a deep sigh escaped when Atta looked up at me with those big brown eyes.

I was irrational, I saw a few mothers who were within ear shot, I swallowed my pride and asked," Can my daughter please try the scooter out?" A mom said, 'yes.'

Anika had a spin, but I just didn't feel right. If I had seen a child next to Anika's toy would I have pretended not to notice too? Would I have offered the child a turn? I was also feeling unsure of what I had done..She doesn't usually want to play with other kids toys but this was an exception. Should I have said no, we can't have everything and just dragged her away from there even though she did want to do the socially acceptable thing of just asking? In truth I didn't want her to ask because I was afraid of her being rejected, I didn't want her to feel belittled or heart broken. I wanted to protect her from pain. I know I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I just wonder about this stuff a lot. How do I parent her right? How do I bring up a girl who can stand up for herself and be able to share her toys at the same time?

3 comments:

iMother2.0 said...

I LOVED this line:
'She wants to be friends with everybody...even if they are running in the other direction.'

Beautiful.

I feel your pain when it comes to letting her go and getting her heart broken or saying no to begin with. I 'try' to let her lead when it comes to her own comfort level. Anika was so very obviously very comfy about asking for a turn. How sweet and brave she is. As for everything, I stumble with this sort of thing on a daily basis :) I think the questioning ourselves and re-evalutating for every moment..they're all so differerent...is part of what we're doing as mamas. I think :)

PRIYA SHARMA SHAIKH said...

Your baby is growing indeed so dont fret darling... You in fact taught her how to find a solution to fulfill her need. In future instances you may want to involve her in the asking -- Hello Im Atta can I have my turn on the bike please? And of course you could prompt her. Kids can be brash at times but their Mums will see the value in sharing and not say no for sure and will be delighted to give her a turn!! Rosh did that all the time as a kid and had a huge fan following of building aunties -- they loved her for a her bindaas approach :)

anja said...

Tanya, thanks for your sweet comment. You're right, parenting is an ever evolving process, and a trial and error process, they are all different and we mamas are all different. I have to find my way everyday.

Pri: I love you, I wish you could be here for me to learn to be a mama like you. you have raised such strong, confident and loving bacchas.