Wednesday, August 24, 2005


I just finished Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginides in time for book club this evening. Wow. I was blown away, I didn't want it to be over.

Cal was a very interesting narrator, her description of her love for Object and the final acknowledgement of that love from the object, with ' the first and last kiss' was just amazing. i was so nervous when she was stoned in the outhouse with the stupid brother..when he had opened up her overalls and she was still hovering over object, i couldn't take it. I had to get up and make some tea to delay the 'entry' into a no fly zone...gosh it was excruciating. I got so involved in cal's life I couldn't bear to finish reading the book. The end was just breathtaking, the conversation between Desdemona and Cal, who I really had been wondering about for a while..where the hell did yia yia disappear to and there she was for the spectacular end.

Jeffrey is amazing, so sensitive. I can't believe he isn't a hermaphrodite. He spoke so convincingly in the first person I thought I was reading an was kind of how unbelievable it was that the narrator in Memoirs of a Geisha was a white male and not a japanese geisha.

The story was very well told, besides I realized I really did have so many questions about hijras when i saw them in bombay, whenever I asked around I would either be told oh they are just men dressed up like women to make money or there was another gross story involving horse hair and castration..there was always mystery surrounding them. It was interesting to get such a personal account and to learn about these people, who seem to have a more complete perspective of both sides. What was amazing was the observations of Cal...about both perceptive. I could really feel the agony of Calliope, I knew her as a girl..and then saw her struggling in a male world. Very interesting, unique stuff. In a way i was a voyeur at the 69ers too..i didn't watch them in fish tank, but i wanted to reveal the mystery of this character. Very satisfying read, I shed tears at quite a few points.

The other interesting part of the book was the history of modern America through the eyes of these greek immigrants, it was educational and engaging. I able to get a sweep of American history from 1922 to 2002 through the story of one family that I really cared about..i found myself colluding with Desdemona and Lefty, i hid away their secret too..

Writers are be able to get so deeply into something, to have such vivid imaginations, insightful observations and tell a story so captivating, I read for 6 hours straight, I couldn't do anything else. Jeffrey Eugenides is a great talent.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Water off a duck's back

I haven't yet decided about Mac or PC. I feel mac but the chip change worries D..I know what he means but I could resell it right? there will always be folks who want the G5? Lets see this weekend though it has to happen, I have to get my machine by next week otherwise I am screwed. I'm at the point where the deadline nightmares have started..Everyone shows up for dinner and I've forgotten to cook. Sigh.

P is a darling, she told me such good things today. Focus on all the positive things in life. Always keep the faith, don't fear bad things, they may happen but if you are internally strong you will have the right frame of mind to survive anything. Always keep your ideal and path in focus and keep working towards achieving your goal, don't let petty small things bother you. there will always be transient annoyances or people that try to bring you down but if you focus on the dream and the goal and not get distracted by superficial things..nothing will affect you, hurt will be like water of a duck's back. Keep smiling, people will get tired of trying to bring you down if their negativity isn't working.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

She is fine

I finally spoke to her today, she sounds normal under the circumstances. She is much much better, they did take a second blood test through a different doctor and confirmed she has malaria and not lepto. She had a severe reaction to the malaria medication, she was weak and nauseous. As a result of the nausea she couldn't keep any food in her system which made her weaker. She was hallucinating very negative thoughts, having cold sweats, tremors, difficulty breathing, heart palpitations. She was rushe dot the hospital at 3am. It sounds like a very severe reaction to quinine, a drug that can have strong side effects, her WBC count was way down and she had no food in her body to counter act it..sounds like a bad trip with paranoia. She said she felt like she was about to die, she had a sinking feeling and her heart was poor darling piyu.
Anyway she is much better now. Her son hugged and kissed her and said mama give me your sickness...he ran to find her cell phone and called the doctor on his own, he also made her lime juice, he is 8 years old. Her daughter's class made her a card from all of them. My sister is surrounded by love, she will be well soon.

Monday, August 15, 2005


Its finally time to put my money where my mouth is. Its time to spend close to $10K on my post production equipment. I will have a super fast computer with a big, fast brain and lots of storage space. I will also have sexy software to edit, animate and create. 5 years ago I was fighting to get a time slot on one machine at the institute and now I'm fixin to buy my own...I guess that is progress...I'm looking forward to paying it all off in blood and sweat:)

I have a lot of work to do, i have been procrastinating for the past week. 7 days of bullcrap..this and that, publishing blogs, cooking, laundry, basically unnecessary stuff. Oh well this is my trademark..the inertia before the big push. I am ready to take on this bear. The scary thing though is to get this film done beautifully. I think I have good material, but I know I should try to get done sooner rather than later coz I know there are holes, I will find I am missing shots and material. ZONE ZONE ZONE, Channel my energy to a focal point. Please inner strength make yourself surface. Stop blogging, start working.

Ok before I go, one more thing. i have a movie recommendation. 'ME and YOU and EVERYONE we KNOW' by Miranda what a movie. Her creativity and prolificness have truly shamed me. I loved the movie if anyone reads this blog let me one more person who plugs it. Very creative, funny, thought provoking, artistic and unique...GO WATCH IT. All is right with the world when her movie gets awarded at Cannes and Sundance.
Other recs for the week: CRASH and MARCH OF THE Indie Prolifico time. Rejoice. I had some pangs of jealousy and insecurity but mostly just happiness that people are making real movies and independent voices are being expressed and endorsed. Long live ifcfilms and lionsgate. March..was Warner Independent, wow looks like all the big wigs want a piece of the action too. Why don't I wake up and smell the coffee? There are people willing and open to producing new work from new filmmakers. Its going to happen, the feature, the festival circuit, the fun I got into this whole mess for...IF I MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Bad thoughts

I miss home. I can't believe the flood images I saw 2 weeks ago. Its tough to miss all the big things and worry from a distance. I read online about leptospirosis-it doesn't sound good. P has the same symptoms-it is treatable but needs to be addressed immediately, if not consequences can be severe to organs. I hate to think if P as internal organs. They haven't yet done a blood test to determine if its lepto or not..why not? anyway they feel i'm freaking out and being too american, they feel its all just political this epidemic 'stuff'. i don't care what the motivation is, i care about the possibility that she may have contracted a disease that occurs by exposure to animals urine in tropical areas carried through water. contracted between 2 days to 4 weeks after exposure...symptoms are fever, nausea, depression, loss of appetite and muscle pain- she has all. anyway finally the blood test will be done tomorrow. i pray she is getting the treatment she needs in a timely manner.