For the past week my inner voice repeated the word, 'unfulfilled' in my head. It didn't feel very good. What is missing? Thought, desire, dreams. Caught up in the everydayness of life makes me forget to think of the big picture of my life. Why do I feel unfulfilled? The first question I need to answer is 'What do I want?' By not defining my dreams, I perpetuate my state of vague disillusionment/disenchantment. I feel stuck in negative feelings without the time/energy to really examine what I need to make me feel fulfilled.
The truth is, its easier to be stuck in negativity than do the real work of trying to fix what feels broken. This morning I was feeling anxious, there was a sick feeling in my stomach like before a race. I was suddenly having flashes of what I want from my life, of what I could be if I would just get out of my own way and follow my dreams. Thoughts I have put on the back burner were coming back in an overwhelming flood. D heard me sighing and fretting and looked me straight in the eyes and said, " Don't be afraid of it, let it grow within you."
This is where I plan to start. Thanks Sara.
7 comments:
Wow! Your D is so eloquent, and obviously supportive. I felt the floundering feeling all my life...that is until Mia turned about one, then I thought THIS is what I should be doing and have been fulfilled. Lately, she's been going to Casa T....hmmmmm am I also needing something else? Do you feel that life is all about the urge to feel filled? Maybe this should have been an email I’ve also had a Dreamboard in my mind…to help me along. Isn’t Sara fabulous? Know that you may feel very alone in trying to find your purpose, but know that you’re surrounded by family and friends who adore and support you.
Thank you sweet Tanya..'floundering' is such a perfect word. I know what you mean..I found a real deep purpose when Anika came and i totally lost myself in her, in a good way..wouldn't change it for the world BUT I am feeling the need to be more ME now for myself and also because I want to be a good role model to her. Thanks for your support and love XO
I've also felt this way for some time and I think that is why I started the monster business. I needed to do something that was just for me. I needed something separate from being a wife and mother. I wanted a little piece that was fulfilling to just me. Selling my monsters gives me the pride and accomplishment that I was missing. I guess I needed to validate myself as being more than just a wife and mother. Knowing that I am making some child smile from my creation makes me smile on the inside. I hope you find your peace. Love you.
I am sooo thrilled that anything I said has insipred your own direction. I think everyone would be so much happier if they listened to the desires in the pit of their stomach. Everyone is capable of being anything, that includes more than one thing at a time. We can all be fantastic mothers and wives and STILL be the best at what we love, be it film, bodywork, entrepreneurs, what have you. What Tanya said about the urge to be filled.. can be sooo true sometimes. We can have it all and still feel like something is missing. I tend to think that what is missing is not really an empty space to be filled but a redirection of energy into another part of your existence. Ok, now this is no comment, but a book. Glad you are doing this with me!! I am so excited!
more power to you anja.
hey anj!!!am an avid reader of your blog and am always looking forward to your next post!i love them.methinks this is a great way of sharing thoughts ,ideas,love and friendship.
I'm a huge emotional procrastinator myself. But I see you are brave enough to take the plunge into self-discovery. I do hope you find yourself as part of this chaotic journey, and are left with strength to do something about it.
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