Holy cats!

NEWS FLASH: I'm pregnant and I have the pregnancy from hell. I am ravenous all the time, to the point that my stomach hurts if I don't put something in every 30 mins. Its completely ridiculous..this is not as much fun as it could be at all because I throw up everything I eat 5 times a day, morning sickness is just another euphemism to keep the ladies producing, try 24 hour sickness. The foods I can keep down are soy milk yuck crackers like paper bananas, cheerios, dahi rice and d keeps tryign to give me steamed broccoli yuck yuck. Also I have a constant headache, acidity, I'm tired all the time and I pee non stop. And the cherry, I cry and I mean sob for no apparent reason. i feel like I 'm being hazed...pregnancy is my pledging process..involving secret torturous rituals I have to go through to belong to the sorority of motherhood...this sucks. I've heard it gets better after the first trimester..from all that I've seen so far I know the worst is yet to come...all these poor moms have to go through all this torture an dmummy did it 3 times! WHY? Apparently birthing babies also involves losing brain cells..lets see how stupid I get...well I am being negative, I know, I know, I'm worried after my last failed attempt, I want to try and be detached, just incase I don't carry to term. We'll see. D is a darling, I can't imagine going through this without him, he is a darling...he has spent alot of time and money trying to feed me good nutritious food. God thank you for him.

Craving India

Woke up early this morning, before the alarm went off. The sky outside my window was light blue with streaks of pink, it had such a fresh look to it. While I was still adjusting my eyes to the sight outside I felt a nudge on my back. Palu put his head under my arms and started purring..nice way to wake up. I went down, set up coffee, fed the cats and then stepped out into the balcony. It was cool and crisp outside. I looked at the pink tipped mountains in the distance and took a deep breath. The wind suddenly picked up and whipped my hair around my face..it always surprises me when that happens, when a sudden gust comes out of nowhere and assails me...

I sat down to work on section 5 of the film at 7:30 as planned and said to myself, let me just check my mail..and then of course I had to just visit my blog and some favorites..Man time flies quicly when you're reading other people's blogs, especially when you go to links of others, to others, before i knew it..an hour had passed. so ofcourse i decided to post an entry to have something concrete to show of my time.

When I read blogs of young people in India of their friends, their vacations to Goa or Uttarkashi or the koels out their windows or rickshaws, I feel like my heart will burst. It reminds me of too much of the lack of life I feel here. What I would give to look out of my window and see a gulmohur tree under which a smartly dressed child with wet neatly combed hair with a heavy yellow school bag stands and waits for his school bus, while a crow hops sideways to an abandoned piece of bread while a man on the street lights a beedi and another one feeds a brown dog a glucose biscuit. All the while a man is pushing his cart of peru to his daily spot under the tree. I miss India so much. Most times its easier to not go there at all in my mind...but at the same time I scour the internet for Indian writing to sort of pick at a scab...There is such a sad joy in reading a blog by someone in Bombay...It makes me miss having friends I can relate to at such a natural level. I know what they mean when they say things, I can see it. I crave that sense of comfort and ownership.

Mama M.I.A. South Asian Sista!

Galang galang galang:Album Arular

Blaring Galang from Arular--fabulous! Recently downloaded it. Highly recommend the album to everyone! Picks me off this chair and makes me mooove..listen to it, buy it immediately. She was born Maya Arulpragasam in Sri Lanka and moved to London as a kid because of political probelms there. She is political and unique, did I mention she is also an artist? Her music is very contemporary, original and fun, fun, fun! It has a real mix of rap, hip hop, bhangraesque beats/feel, techno.. a big curry of international fabulousness, listen to believe. Ya Ya Hey! O way o way O way O O! Ya Ya Yay!
Check out her website: www.miauk.com

Some lyrics to get a taste of the fun:

Refugee education number 2: Dash your curry like you not in hurry
Me come from New Delhi me not got no worry
And if you fuck wit me I gonna dash mah curry..

a leaf falling off the tree of procrastination

They are gone. The house is quiet and feels empty. We try to keep the TV on loud for the comfort of background noise. Today was a beautiful day here it was 64 degrees in the first week of November! Most of the leaves are down already thanks to the strong wind on Thusday. But there were still some trees with yellow leaves, and a carpet of leaves on the street...The bright sunlight gave the whole area a soft, golden glow as light filtered through the leaves.

We spent the afternoon bumming around downtown. We went for a walk to the waterfront and then went to Church Street for coffee. We talked with a beauiful woman, Grace. She was selling digital art created by her husband, printed and matted by her. They were really interesting pieces. Thay were pics of nature with hidden images within them, there was a beautiful mountain scape in which was embedded a naked woman in a fetal position, it was very intriguing and beautiful. We bought two pieces.

We are leaving Vermont in 6 weeks. I can't believe it. I will really miss it a lot. I have never been to texas before, and i haven't heard good things about it, except for austin, everyone says...so we hope that austin really is the little blue lagoon in a very red state. Moving away from here is really the end of an era in our lives, our first home after marriage..the south will be an adventure no doubt. i've been thinking i would like to travel all my life.

anyway i'm rambling..we watched Proof last night. It was an interesting movie. I LOVE Gwenyth and Anthony Hopkins, they were superlative. But Mr. Jake Gyllenhall, left ALOT to be desired, he was totally outclassed..when he came on I felt as though he had just walked in off a soap opera set and strolled into the wrong movie!Oh well.

Today poor Sheroo and Palu had their annual vet exam. They were so scared, they meowed loudly all the way in the car. while we were waiting with them in the lobby a dog showed up and started barking...sheroo just froze..when they were taken away from the canine they received two injections! Since coming home, he has crapped outside the box twice to show us what he thinks about his morning..sigh..my cat hates me =(

Call of the Loon

This is a Loon on an Adirondack Lake taken by Dr. Nina Schoch. Isn't it amazing?

This is fun fun fun. I really love having my machine at home. i'm enjoying editing on FCP. I even have brand new keys for my keyboard with the shortcuts on them. Man I feel cool:) Loons are spectacular creatures I feel really lucky to have this opportunity to tell a story about a creature that has so much history. I have never heard a sound as beautiful as the call of a Loon piercing through a still dark night on an Adirondack Lake. I wrote R a long email yesterday describing the film and the bird, explaining it so a child would understand was really fun to do. It reenergised me and showed me how fun it can be to write with a specific audience in mind, especially a child.

Right now I'm reading an incredible book, Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I still have a hundred pages left. From all reports I've heard the end is brilliant so I'll refrain from commenting on it yet. I am also reading The Common Loon-Spirit of Northen Lakes by Judith McIntyre, the WCS Working Paper No. 20 by Nina Schoch which is lucid, beautiful and brilliant. Nina writes so well, knowledge becomes a pleasure, I never feel like I'm plodding through something esoteric. Her writing is informative and precise. She is also an excellent photographer, the photo on this post is hers. I'm also enjoying Loon Magic by Tom Klein, he is a true Loon lover, you can feel it every sentence. The Loon inspires these people to do good work, I hope some of the Loon's magic will rub off on me too.

'On boreal lakes, spring's announcement and summer's promise are heralded by loon music. As newly thawed lakes sparkle under an April sun, the loons fly in, drop down, and land abruptly on their summer homes. They look quickly beneath the water's surface, then raise their heads and tell the world that the spirit of northern lakes is in residence' - from Dr. McIntyre's book.

Good times

Finally ma and pa are here. its wonderful to have them at our home sharing our lives. they are real karmayogis from day 1 their mission has been to help out in every way possible. they understand we do all housework ourselves and try to follow the loose regimen of cleanliness we have going. if u're wondering what cleanliness..we cleaned this ship from bough to stern like there is no tomorrow, it looks pretty orderly, surprise surprise! i was worried about being distracted too much from the edit but they are quite the slavedrivers, they literaly ignore me during the day so that i can get my work done, they expect nothing and instead have taken on the responsibility of cooking:) reminds of my icse days..hey i'm not complaining. my g5 arrived in all its spanking silver glory towering over my head on the work desk, it has fcp installed and i am digitising loons on bogs hooting their tails off as they incubate their eggs. i love these birds, they are so beautiful and fun to watch. i'm going to have a very tough time tryign to get this film into good enough shape before the VO artiste's arrival on 10/12...its really not enough time at all. anyway, i aim to finish a cut with all the segments atleast by the week of the 3rd of oct so that i can show it to carol before heading off to dc. she can then give me very specific feedback on what is needed from those folks...i have like 3 weeks to do this. it is very difficult but not impossible. sigh same ol' story.

Middlesex

I just finished Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginides in time for book club this evening. Wow. I was blown away, I didn't want it to be over.

Cal was a very interesting narrator, her description of her love for Object and the final acknowledgement of that love from the object, with ' the first and last kiss' was just amazing. i was so nervous when she was stoned in the outhouse with the stupid brother..when he had opened up her overalls and she was still hovering over object, i couldn't take it. I had to get up and make some tea to delay the 'entry' into a no fly zone...gosh it was excruciating. I got so involved in cal's life I couldn't bear to finish reading the book. The end was just breathtaking, the conversation between Desdemona and Cal, who I really had been wondering about for a while..where the hell did yia yia disappear to and there she was for the spectacular end.

Jeffrey is amazing, so sensitive. I can't believe he isn't a hermaphrodite. He spoke so convincingly in the first person I thought I was reading an autobiography...it was kind of how unbelievable it was that the narrator in Memoirs of a Geisha was a white male and not a japanese geisha.

The story was very well told, besides I realized I really did have so many questions about hijras when i saw them in bombay, whenever I asked around I would either be told oh they are just men dressed up like women to make money or there was another gross story involving horse hair and castration..there was always mystery surrounding them. It was interesting to get such a personal account and to learn about these people, who seem to have a more complete perspective of both sides. What was amazing was the observations of Cal...about both sexes..so perceptive. I could really feel the agony of Calliope, I knew her as a girl..and then saw her struggling in a male world. Very interesting, unique stuff. In a way i was a voyeur at the 69ers too..i didn't watch them in fish tank, but i wanted to reveal the mystery of this character. Very satisfying read, I shed tears at quite a few points.

The other interesting part of the book was the history of modern America through the eyes of these greek immigrants, it was educational and engaging. I able to get a sweep of American history from 1922 to 2002 through the story of one family that I really cared about..i found myself colluding with Desdemona and Lefty, i hid away their secret too..

Writers are amazing..to be able to get so deeply into something, to have such vivid imaginations, insightful observations and tell a story so captivating, I read for 6 hours straight, I couldn't do anything else. Jeffrey Eugenides is a great talent.

Water off a duck's back

I haven't yet decided about Mac or PC. I feel mac but the chip change worries D..I know what he means but I could resell it right? there will always be folks who want the G5? Lets see this weekend though it has to happen, I have to get my machine by next week otherwise I am screwed. I'm at the point where the deadline nightmares have started..Everyone shows up for dinner and I've forgotten to cook. Sigh.

P is a darling, she told me such good things today. Focus on all the positive things in life. Always keep the faith, don't fear bad things, they may happen but if you are internally strong you will have the right frame of mind to survive anything. Always keep your ideal and path in focus and keep working towards achieving your goal, don't let petty small things bother you. there will always be transient annoyances or people that try to bring you down but if you focus on the dream and the goal and not get distracted by superficial things..nothing will affect you, hurt will be like water of a duck's back. Keep smiling, people will get tired of trying to bring you down if their negativity isn't working.

She is fine

I finally spoke to her today, she sounds normal under the circumstances. She is much much better, they did take a second blood test through a different doctor and confirmed she has malaria and not lepto. She had a severe reaction to the malaria medication, she was weak and nauseous. As a result of the nausea she couldn't keep any food in her system which made her weaker. She was hallucinating very negative thoughts, having cold sweats, tremors, difficulty breathing, heart palpitations. She was rushe dot the hospital at 3am. It sounds like a very severe reaction to quinine, a drug that can have strong side effects, her WBC count was way down and she had no food in her body to counter act it..sounds like a bad trip with paranoia. She said she felt like she was about to die, she had a sinking feeling and her heart was fluttering...my poor darling piyu.
Anyway she is much better now. Her son hugged and kissed her and said mama give me your sickness...he ran to find her cell phone and called the doctor on his own, he also made her lime juice, he is 8 years old. Her daughter's class made her a card from all of them. My sister is surrounded by love, she will be well soon.

Hardsoftware

Its finally time to put my money where my mouth is. Its time to spend close to $10K on my post production equipment. I will have a super fast computer with a big, fast brain and lots of storage space. I will also have sexy software to edit, animate and create. 5 years ago I was fighting to get a time slot on one machine at the institute and now I'm fixin to buy my own...I guess that is progress...I'm looking forward to paying it all off in blood and sweat:)

I have a lot of work to do, i have been procrastinating for the past week. 7 days of bullcrap..this and that, publishing blogs, cooking, laundry, basically unnecessary stuff. Oh well this is my trademark..the inertia before the big push. I am ready to take on this bear. The scary thing though is to get this film done beautifully. I think I have good material, but I know I should try to get done sooner rather than later coz I know there are holes, I will find I am missing shots and material. ZONE ZONE ZONE, Channel my energy to a focal point. Please inner strength make yourself surface. Stop blogging, start working.

Ok before I go, one more thing. i have a movie recommendation. 'ME and YOU and EVERYONE we KNOW' by Miranda July..man what a movie. Her creativity and prolificness have truly shamed me. I loved the movie if anyone reads this blog let me one more person who plugs it. Very creative, funny, thought provoking, artistic and unique...GO WATCH IT. All is right with the world when her movie gets awarded at Cannes and Sundance. http://www.meandyoumovie.com/?referer=%2Fmeandyoumovie
Other recs for the week: CRASH and MARCH OF THE PENGUINS..wow Indie Prolifico time. Rejoice. I had some pangs of jealousy and insecurity but mostly just happiness that people are making real movies and independent voices are being expressed and endorsed. Long live ifcfilms and lionsgate. March..was Warner Independent, wow looks like all the big wigs want a piece of the action too. Why don't I wake up and smell the coffee? There are people willing and open to producing new work from new filmmakers. Its going to happen, the feature, the festival circuit, the fun I got into this whole mess for...IF I MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Bad thoughts

I miss home. I can't believe the flood images I saw 2 weeks ago. Its tough to miss all the big things and worry from a distance. I read online about leptospirosis-it doesn't sound good. P has the same symptoms-it is treatable but needs to be addressed immediately, if not consequences can be severe to organs. I hate to think if P as internal organs. They haven't yet done a blood test to determine if its lepto or not..why not? anyway they feel i'm freaking out and being too american, they feel its all just political this epidemic 'stuff'. i don't care what the motivation is, i care about the possibility that she may have contracted a disease that occurs by exposure to animals urine in tropical areas carried through water. contracted between 2 days to 4 weeks after exposure...symptoms are fever, nausea, depression, loss of appetite and muscle pain- she has all. anyway finally the blood test will be done tomorrow. i pray she is getting the treatment she needs in a timely manner.