los pinguinos mambo

Loved Ms. t's macho penguins and wanted to add what Anika and i boogied to all afternoon=)

listen in

For the past week my inner voice repeated the word, 'unfulfilled' in my head. It didn't feel very good. What is missing? Thought, desire, dreams. Caught up in the everydayness of life makes me forget to think of the big picture of my life. Why do I feel unfulfilled? The first question I need to answer is 'What do I want?' By not defining my dreams, I perpetuate my state of vague disillusionment/disenchantment. I feel stuck in negative feelings without the time/energy to really examine what I need to make me feel fulfilled.

The truth is, its easier to be stuck in negativity than do the real work of trying to fix what feels broken. This morning I was feeling anxious, there was a sick feeling in my stomach like before a race. I was suddenly having flashes of what I want from my life, of what I could be if I would just get out of my own way and follow my dreams. Thoughts I have put on the back burner were coming back in an overwhelming flood. D heard me sighing and fretting and looked me straight in the eyes and said, " Don't be afraid of it, let it grow within you."

This is where I plan to start. Thanks Sara.

Downtownish

Dh worked on Sunday so Atta and I went on a jaunt. I went looking for the Hot sauce festival at Waterloo park but the hellish maze of one ways, a circus of animals, clowns and day before school students with trolleys full of stuff sent me ducking into the Blanton Museum parking lot for cover. Parking was free and the museum was air conditioned..it was around noon, what's a mama to do? It all worked out perfectly because Anika really enjoyed the 'moozeem'.

Here she is in a breathtaking installation by Brazilian artist, Cildo Meireles called, 'Mission: How to Build a Cathedral'.



The piece is a permanent feature in the museum and is well worth a visit to the museum in itself. It is hauntingly beautiful with the soft warm light bouncing off the shiny copper pennies, covered with a canopy of stark white bones. Visitors are welcome to enter the piece through black net curtains and play with the 600,000 pennies. Anika needed no instruction, she gravitated like a moth to the flame, we stayed within the exhibit for half an hour.

Car conversations

We are a one car household and we make a 20 minute drive to pick Papa up from work nearly everyday. Here is a sample conversation from the other day.

Anika: " Don't feel bad pity doll..."
Me: " Why is pretty doll sad?"
A: " Because stroller"
Me: " Does she miss her stroller"
A : " She wants to go to park in stroller"
Me: "Oh..but her stroller is in the back yard all wet in the rain, she can't sit in it now."

Long pause. A:" Pretty doll's bums get all wet."

Later.

A:" Mama, atta did fart, did you her it?"
me:" No I didn't."
A: " mama, pease do fart."
me:" ok!" Make fart sound with my mouth
A:" Ok now do loooooong fart." laughs loudly, very pleased with her self.

Later.

A:" Atta miss papa."
M:" I know baby we'll see papa soon, we're almost there."
A: "Papa papa aaja(come) now."
M;" Aww, baby do you love papa?"
A:"Hahn."
M:" How much do you love papa?"
A thinks for a little while;" Taller than mama!"

This post is mainly because of the countless conversations I have forgotten, I had to write some down.

New header

The gorgeous pic of Anika in the header was taken by Tanya. It captures the stage she's at so beautifully- always ready to go, obsessed with her school bag, with her boo hat and noo shoes on, about to give me a long talk about something. She is asking about school over and over again , we've been touring a few and she seems VERY ready. I must be boring her at home.

Sari

We're having a very Indian weekend. Here she is sporting a sari=)

Bond of Protection

D and I grew up celebrating many festivals in India and we want our little American to have some of those cultural experiences too. Whenever I doll her up in her Indian attire, which is usually quite special filled with jari(golden threads) or little bells, she knows something fun is going to happen. Yesterday was 'raksha bandhan' literally, bond of protection. It is a festival to celebrate the bond between brother and sister. Historically the sister ties the brother a 'rakhi' a simple thread promising her love in return for the brother's love and protection. Over the years, the threads have turned into fancy, sometimes garish bling things and the protection has become money or gifts. You tie a rakhi, put some red teeka on the forehead and then feed the brother some sweets. I have a very nice cousin, who lives in Austin, whom I tied a rakhi. Anika tied his two son's, her brothers rakhis. She was VERY excited and kept saying 'bhaiya come gen' (brother) when they left. This is how much she's gown since raksha bandhan last year.







We sent her favorite brother, Raunaq a rakhi by post and spoke to him on the phone. They love each other a lot, he is the only one she still misses from her India trip. there have been at least three occasions when Raunaq has cried on the phone when Anika has said, " Atta miss bhaiya." Raunaq is 10 years old.

long suffering bff

Sweet Palu has always loved Anika a lot, he is very dog like in his devotion to her and in his tolerance of her games. When she was a new born, he would sit right by me when I nursed her. From the start whenever she cries, he meows to me and nudges me to 'fix it'. When she is hurt he hovers around her rubbing along her. After her famous obsession with Stuart little and his 'best friend' Margalow, Anika says 'Palu Atta's best friend, mama.'

Pineapple Express

Laughed very hard, go watch it! Seth Rogen is highlarious he co wrote it, the dialogue is unbelievably funny. LOVE James Franco, I want him to be my BFFF. I was laughing so hard my friends might have been embarrassed, sorry Mel and Jenni, I'm a hyena, its in my genes.

A mouse, a cat and a bear

All summer long some theaters in the city show free kids movies. Anika and I went to a couple. The first time was a failure, she wanted out in ten minutes, because some Bunnies were being portrayed in an unfavorable light. The second time around I took her for a movie just to kill time in the comfort of the ac until 'Story time' at Barnes & Noble. This time the movie was Stuart Little 2. She fell in love with the dapper Stuart from the first frame. By the time he was driving home from school in his fancy car, she was hooked. She didn't say much except for asking a few questions about his brother George. I tried to leave the movie when the bad guy 'the falcon' made an appearance but she was already in love with 'Tuart' and refused to leave. I watched with trepidation but soon got sucked into the narrative myself.

She loved Stuart's friend Margalow the little yellow, free spirited bird. She was entranced. After a lot of drama the movie finally ended, the titles began to roll and Anika had a total break down, "more movie' were the only words I could decipher between yells and sobs. I tried in vain to explain to her that all movies must end and that Stuart was fine and so was Margalow but she was inconsolable. She cried for 20 minutes. I was at a loss, I finally convinced her in SONG that Stuart and Margalow were living in the book store and we could go meet them in the DVD section. She was whimpering when we walked into B&N some what convinced of the story. To my horror they didn't have the DVD, I walked into the kids section looking for a distraction when Anika screamed, Tuart! and fell to her knees. There was a hard bound book about the mouse. Thank you God. She has not put the book down since.



This unfortunate looking cat fell into the in sink garbage disposal. I hid it from her for a few days. When she found him she was very upset. 'What happened to Mau? What happened to his er(ear), he got a big happi(hurt). Poor mau mama, what happened? I scrambled. He went out last night and got into a fight, give him love baby, he will get better. She carried him around everywhere for a few days and made these very unnerving crying meow sounds and then tended to him with kisses, clucking and saying poor mau, don't go out at night gen(again).



And this guy, now girl is wearing the product of my first attempt at sewing. Mel organized a crafty MNO at a lovely little local sewing shop called the Stitching Studio. While the others worked on unfinished projects, I tried my hand at stitching for the first time. Initially I just practised sewing in a straight line on paper with no thread. After doing 10 lines I was feeling bold and wanted some thread in my machine. Thanks to Melissa my first project was a little bag made from a basket of scraps at the studio, then I made a wine bottle carrier..but my piece de resistance is this..



Anika LOVES it, she takes the teddy everywhere

Seven years

We chose to marry on the 11th because the number looks like two people standing next to each other in equality. Thank you my love for walking by my side.

Atta turns two

My beautiful angel, pari, farishta is two years old...look at this GORGEOUS capture of her on her birthday by my beautiful hermana Andrea



There's so much more to say but for now, i just want my family and friends to see this amazing picture.

Growing up too quickly

This amazing picture is by Tanya the magnificent.

Anika surprised me this morning when she said, 'Mama meato(mosquito) bit Atta hand'

I absently said," Oh poor baby, which hand?"

"Atta right hand"

I was surprised, I checked it really was the right hand, she pointed out. SO I proceeded, which is this hand, she said 'my left hand." I said, 'Wow baby, that's amazing! You are so smart!"

She smiled and said, " This Is Atta's right foot and this left", all correct. How did she learn this? Just from listening to us say, "going right now", in the car?

She is SO absorbent of EVERYTHING around her, its unbelievable, her grasp of language, her memory, her emotional intelligence just blow me away. Social skills are coming next.

She is suddenly very interested in all little people, at the park today she saw a little girl and asked me, "Mama what that girl name?' I said, 'I don't know sweetie maybe Sara'. She is not satisfied, "Atta have go ask her." She wants to be friends with everybody...even if they are running in the other direction.

In the park the other day, there was a little girl riding around on a sparkly scooter, you know the kind with tassels and pink wheels. Anika wanted a 'turn', another concept we have been working on because she had been coming woefully to me at play dates and saying, ' Sumbidy took way doll fom Atta hand'. So I tried to tell her that she has to say, "Its my turn now " if she wasn't ready to give it away. So that day in the park she said to me," Now Atta turn" while looking at the pink scooter entranced. I tried to tell her that is not our scooter and we can't play with it because that little girl is not a friend.

She says," She my friend, mama let Atta try ask her for turn."

No amount of reasoning worked, so we went over there and Anika asked the girl who said . "NO! It's Suzy's! " dropped the scooter and ran away.

My eyes welled up and a deep sigh escaped when Atta looked up at me with those big brown eyes.

I was irrational, I saw a few mothers who were within ear shot, I swallowed my pride and asked," Can my daughter please try the scooter out?" A mom said, 'yes.'

Anika had a spin, but I just didn't feel right. If I had seen a child next to Anika's toy would I have pretended not to notice too? Would I have offered the child a turn? I was also feeling unsure of what I had done..She doesn't usually want to play with other kids toys but this was an exception. Should I have said no, we can't have everything and just dragged her away from there even though she did want to do the socially acceptable thing of just asking? In truth I didn't want her to ask because I was afraid of her being rejected, I didn't want her to feel belittled or heart broken. I wanted to protect her from pain. I know I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I just wonder about this stuff a lot. How do I parent her right? How do I bring up a girl who can stand up for herself and be able to share her toys at the same time?

Aji

Last week Anika and I spent a lovely morning with Nikhil's Aji(grandma) and Ajoba(grandpa). They are here from India to visit their son Abhi, a dear friend of ours.

While growing up in Bombay/Mumbai I had easy access to tasty food made by friends' mothers from different parts of the country. One of my favorite foods growing up was 'Puran poli', a Maharashtrian speciality. I only got to eat it on festivals when some mothers would prepare it for poojas. My mother never made it because she didn't grow up with it in Punjab. A puran poli is basically a wheat roti(bread) stuffed with a delicious filling of gram dal(lentils) and 'gur'(natural sugar). YUM! Moving here reversed my fortunes with good, authentic, Indian mother made food. Abhi's mother is Maharashtrian and I thought learning how to make the dish from her would give me a chance to prepare it myself and introduce an authentic version to Anika. Aji very graciously agreed to teach me. Truth be told, I really just wanted to sink my teeth into a fresh, hot, delicious Puran poli myself.



The process was a lot harder than I expected. The stickiness of the sugar made it very hard to roll the dough into a round roti without breaking it. I watched in awe as Aji filled large amounts of yummy stuffing to a small circle of dough and gracefully closed it while turning it in her hand. She rolled it out into a perfect circle and transferred it off the 'chakla' or rolling surface onto a newspaper and gently slid it off onto the tawa(pan) in two fluid motions. Amazing to watch. My attempt was very clumsy and nerve wracking, after creating one lopsided, under filled roti, I offered to just watch the 'naazuk kaam' or delicate work. It was a good decision, because when it was done and ready for tasting..it was dream like.

Anika LOVED it! She literally danced after every bite and said 'yummy!'



I asked Anika, "Atta do you like it?"

Anika. "mmmmm..yummy!"

Me,"How much do you like it?"

Anika,"Too much!"

Aji said, " This is the reaction we mother's cook for."

Anika crooning to Pia masi

Missing Pri and our days in Bombay. Here is a video of Anika singing a song she made up, don't know what it means.

Meaning of my life

Saw an interesting test here and had to try it myself.

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Justice (Fairness) Your life is guided by the concept of Fair Justice: Everyone, yourself included, should be rewarded and punished according to the help or harm they cause. "He who does not punish evil commands it to be done." --Leonardo da Vinci “Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.” --Dwight D. Eisenhower More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page... Justice (Fairness) 90% Utilitarianism 90% Hedonism 80% Existentialism 80% Kantianism 65% Strong Egoism 35% Apathy 20% Nihilism 20% Divine Command 0%

Weaning woes

I've been really irritated because Anika refuses to drink milk anymore. After a lot of patience I finally had her at a point where she was drinking almost 10 oz a day and suddenly nada, not one sip. It's driving me up the wall. I think she needs the nutrition and I am ready to wean her. Slowly does it, I know. Whenever I try to force anything she resists, just like her father, if it seems like its her decision, milk is casually around when she is hungry , she asks for it herself. Its taking a lot of willpower to 'not insist'. I think its the talk of not mama milk only cow's milk that is making her feel like I don't love her anymore or something. I don't know how to do this humanely, I want our Bf relationship to end positively. My threats yesterday of drink this milk or else no park are definitely not the way to go..According to Dr. Sears and gang she should self wean, but that could be anywhere between 2 to 4. I DO NOT want to go there. I was planning up to 2 and she will be two in a month and a half. Any mamas have any ideas? I cannot be mean and say NO MORE...any other gentle suggestions? Or am I being silly? Is it like quitting an addiction, cold turkey..or can it be gradual? She was taking milk from the bottle in the day except when she was going down for her nap or night sleep, I thought that could be the last one to stop..but now we're all out of control again..Its like Pri says, I have to be consistent and firm..but she's just a baby and she really loves it so much, she is showing no signs of being disinterested..

Gun Dun Go Do! Djembe'ing rocks!!

I went for my first Djembe class today and I had a blast! I loved it so much, I feel ALIVE!! The Djembe is a West African hand drum that is carved out of a tree, is covered with the skin of an animal and is meant to be played with bare hands. I had no idea my hands could make music and stay in tune/rhythm with other players. I was part of a drum circle that consisted of mostly unknown people. It was invigorating and meditative. I felt like a child and a primal woman all at once. What a trip.

Mae is a 40 something woman who teaches the class in her home. She is a great teacher who loves to drum so much its infectious. She is funny, warm and down to earth. Andrea thank you for introducing me to this. I really got into it. I was like eyes closed and zoning out, and it was my first day ever. I can't wait to go next week.

Sex and the city

Getting dressed up, sipping a beverage and watching this movie with friends was definitely the best way to do it. My verdict on the movie: Fun but I have some gripes. In general it pales in comparison to the series in its hey day (ie on HBO not the doctored version on the networks). I kind of liked being left with the last season in my head, in Paris with Carrie in that beautiful grey dress and Big driving up to her...I think the problem was Mr. Big, he's gotten too big and just didn't feel sexy anymore..=( There was no chemistry between them...Maybe its because his sex appeal came from his elusiveness? Seeing Mr. Big designing closets is a far cry from red balloons and a limo.

The story was predictable but good. Scenes with all four of them were as great as always. Carrie/SJP was fantastic throughout the movie, I'm a die hard fan. Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte did not skip a beat. Carrie and Miranda's friendship was very satisfying as always. The clothes/fashion, were a delight to watch. I can't imagine wearing most of them because I'm no longer a size six physically or mentally and frankly unless I got them at Goodwill I couldn't afford them. But watching, yum. All the colours, the fabulous bodies..that's the trip with SATC, livin' the life vicariously.

I missed seeing the city more...there were so many interiors in the film. I guess the four of them are just too famous to do long takes on busy NY streets anymore. Crowd control must have been really hard. The show had so much more of an independent feel because of the locations and the not yet 'so famous' cast. Some scenes really recreated the magic. The 'coloring' conversation, Charlotte in Mexico, Carrie packing with the girls, Valentine's day and New Years night were quintessential SATC.

I loved the music in the film but I really missed the original soundtrack in the beginning and also the opening credits. It was very clever the way they 'caught everyone up' in the beginning with the story but STILL I wanted to see Carrie on the streets of NY in her pink tutu, sans bra getting splashed by the bus with THE music in the background.

I think the real problem for me was the change in format. This was always meant to be vignettes into the lives of these people/divas, not actual chronological events leading up to a resolution. Fantasy can't be encapsulated into a marathon 140 minutes, 20 minutes once a week was more suitable, always left you wanting more.

BUT, BUT, BUT, go see it because its THE girls, its fun, you have to go! You can't not go for this if you were a fan of the series.

Another one?

Today Anika and I met a 2 week old baby, Lucas. One of the O mama's, Monica just had her second child. She opened the door with him on her breast, it was the most beautiful sight in the world, she looked tired and lovely like only a new mother can. We talked about the emotional impact of a second child on mama and child number one. Suddenly mama has to be shared. I always wonder about the same thing, Anika is the love of my life, will I be able to love another child as much as this? And won't she feel left out and replaced. Monica had tears in her eyes as she said, I had to keep Gabriella away from Lucas last week because she had a cold, she was so sad. When I asked her about feelings for the second one she said that even though she wondered about how she would feel, when the baby came she felt the same powerful love. The only reason I think of another child is to give Anika a sibling. My sisters are my best friends, surely Anika deserves the same opportunity for love, friendship and support in her life...