middlemonth

Re-covering

2010-08-27T02:54:00.000-07:00

It's 4 in the morning and I am sleepless. It has been over a year since I blogged, the newest addition to our family has gone unmentioned. Bechaara, he is adorable. It takes a while getting accustomed to having more than one child..I'm more domesticated than I could ever have imagined,sigh. But there are pockets of high energy and gratitude when I can step of the fast moving daily schedule and just breathe. Our family feels complete with our little funny man, he makes us laugh. Arjun beta, you are a joy with your roaring, uh-ohs, superfast walking and giggling at the drop of a hat. The comment most often made about you in public is, "He is such a happy boy." He IS a delightful little person with a big personality. We're finally used to being four, we are more efficient at meeting everyone's needs, including mine this time around..Somewhere in my brain it became apparent that a little self care is essential for my sanity and all those around me! Just a little bit of time for myself goes a long way.

blessed

2009-09-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

is how I feel. Today when I went to drop Anika off at Terra Luz, her pre-school, the most incredible music was playing, some Devi chants. Anika ran to the backyard to join her friends doing yoga and I just looked around at the amazing space Andrea has created for our children and it filled me up with emotion. Over the fire place is a large print of the backs of three children in b&w, the child in the middle has her arms around her two friends on either side of her..it is so beautiful, I guess seeing it would be more effective...or rather seeing it with my eyes today. I stepped out and watched them doing yoga for a little while and seeing Anika so happy and excited really made my day.

I was so moved by my child's happiness, the music and the positive environment in Terra Luz that I wept the entire way to my doctor's appointment. My heart was open..I suddenly realized the immense blessing of my life. Of the people that surround me and love me. The blessing of becoming a mother again, the love of my dear husband, my daughter, my friends and my dear parents who are travelling all the way from India to be with me when the baby comes, despite their age.

While I was driving I was overcome with the realization of the life I'm carrying. Within me lies my son, my husband's son, my daughter's brother, our parents' grand child, my sisters' nephew...someone's friend, someone's love and someday someone's father.

Life is incredible, I am truly blessed.

yikes

2009-08-08T15:26:00.000-07:00

Its been crazy long since I posted, again..

Look out for a long post soon(flexible), if you're still looking..So much has been going on, now is a bad time to be lazy. Honestly the blog is the only neglected thing right now, I am nesting with a vengeance. I even cleaned the handles of the kitchen drawers today. If you knew my sloppy nature, you would truly appreciate the craziness of that. HA!

Parting shot of the doll who is three years old now taken by the fabulous Tanya

perks of pregnancy

2009-06-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

I went to the mall today to pick out maternity jeans. After shopping I devoured a very healthy chick-fil-a burger with fries. I did skip the soda and drink a bottle of water instead. I was sitting there and people watching, my favorite pass time. Across from me was a mom and her 8 year son, I watched her as she absently stroked his hair while he ate his pizza and said, "I missed you so much baby." He continued eating unaffected, secure in his mother's love. I had tears in my eyes. Then there was a mother with four daughters one of the older ones was carrying the youngest one on her hip, tears again.

It amazes me that I could just sit there and eat my burger with tears in my eyes and not feel at all weird about it, I relish the heightened emotions. While my out of control emotions can swing easily towards moodiness and melancholy, the other side of that pendulum is pure love. Its true what Anika's 'Baby on the Way' book says, "When your mama is pregnant love is growing inside her belly.."

time marches on

2009-06-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

I'm getting big and tired in this heat. I try to remind myself I will not look like a blimp forever but I hate looking in the mirror. I ate too many beans today, I will not elaborate the consequence of that. Compared with the amount of obsessing a first pregnancy gets the second one goes on pretty much unnoticed in the background of life. I haven't bought a single thing for the baby, sleeping arrangements are still in flux. Some progress has been made on closets etc, but not enough real work as been done and I'm not worried either. We were so busy before Anika, I can't imagine what the hell we were doing?

We've been thinking of names, lists are made and revised. perfect names on one day quickly fade into oblivion the next. We asked Anika what she wanted to call her baby brother, she said without hesitation,"Darling baby".

On the weekend Dh was reading Anika a new book we got her called, 'Baby whales drink milk', she listened attentively and then thought a while before she said," Papa, mama is my first love." Sigh sigh sigh.

queen of procrastination

2009-04-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

Now that I have enough work to get done, I turn towards my poor neglected blog with renewed zest. Old habits die hard, throughout my student years when exams were around the corner I would do a DEEP cleaning of my room for days. I'd make detailed time tables and schedules of what I would study when and then discuss them with my study partner..another accomplished study shirker like myself. We would 'study' all night long and sleep during the day claiming the lack of distraction was good for us. We were very punctual about our 'update conversations' which happened after every two hour session of 'studying'. I did this, this and this what did you do? You fell asleep?? OMG okay let me teach you all I know. The phone conversation would go on for an hour..but the next break was never pushed out. I'm amazed I passed ANY exam in my life.

Anyway, I don't have any exams coming up but there is another baby coming in a few months! I was in complete denial for the first 14 weeks or so. I felt soo crappy I would tell myself everyday, this is not really happening. Tomorrow I will stop throwing up, weeping and snapping at the world and look for a job like I planned to do when Anika goes to school. But alas by week three of Anika's preschool I was in the throes of first trimester mayhem. Yuck. First trimesters are no fun. Anyway its behind me now, I have my energy back but I am in no mood to do all the stuff that has piled up on my plate. I have to edit two videos for friends, one for a non profit in CA, organize all the closets in the house, create a better play area for Anika, frame a bunch of stuff..and on and on. So finally I've found the time to do something that is not on my list, BLOG! I predict I'm going to be very regular around here for sometime.

australian open with anika

2009-02-03T09:22:00.001-08:00

A: "Mama can I have tummus?"
Me: "Are you hungry? Do you mean hummus?"
A rolls eyes and says emphatically, " NO! Tummus with the sky."
Me: "Ya sure baby the sky ah- huh", shift attention to Nadal and Federer
A exasperated: " No! I want to tummus with a hammer and a ball in the sky!"
Me after a few moments of complete cluelessness: "Oh!! Tennis? You want to play TENNIS with a hammer(raquet) and a ball like those boys on TV?
A relieved: "Yes mama, now you understand me.."
Me wondering why sky? Ah, the hard court in Melbourne is blue. Got to love those firing neurons.

to montessori or not to?

2009-01-22T12:55:00.000-08:00

I'm confused, sad and tired of my buzzing head.

Its been nearly 3 weeks since Anika started going to a montessori program close to home. Its an everyday program for four hours per day. So far she has stayed for the whole time only a couple days, four hours is too long. I've had her in school for 2 hours per day until she gets used to it...

I'm getting mixed signals, some days she comes home singing songs, role playing with her imaginary classmates in the back seat, "Close your eyes Jocelyn until I call your name." She'll say random words like "North America' or "don't forget Antarctica" out of the blue at the grocery store. But every morning she seems SO sad to leave us, she cries every time. They say she stops crying sooner now, within a few minutes. This whole week I have taken to rewarding her with fruit snacks, pretty much like gummie bears after she finishes school. This started because she just refused to get ready for school on Tuesday after a 3 day weekend.

Why is she SO sad? I know its separation anxiety but how do I know its only that? How do I know if this is the right thing for her? Montessori is all about individual child development, independence and exploration. She seems to love the work, she asks me to set up practical life 'work' for her at home. She cleans up after herself, which she never did before and helps me and says, "what a good helper I am".

BUT, is she happy? Doesn't she need more freedom, more paints, more laughing, more talking with her friends, more hugs? Instead of "we don't interrupt our friends when they are working" or "we put our hand up when we have a question." She's a good, sweet child, who has always been self sufficient and caring does she really need to be told the proper way to be 'in the community' at this age? Is the Montessori method nurturing enough for a child this young? Especially Anika who is so attached and still sleeps with me?

Is there something cold about the method or is there something wrong with me? I want her to love her teacher so she doesn't feel 'bereft' when she is away from me but I don't know if that's in keeping with the montessori goal of making a child 'independent'. Am I being foolish by expecting a teacher to be a surrogate mother?

I just want her to be happy.

We've told ourselves we'll give it a month..but if she does adjust will she be adjusting happily or will her spirit be broken?

If any of you have read thus far, thanks for your patience. If you have any words of advice please leave them for this stressed out mama.

a new era

2009-01-13T13:25:00.000-08:00

Her lunch box

her back pack

her uniform

my loneliness..poor tiger mama has to bear the brunt of my affection during school

Raising children is the most heart wrenching thing in the world...my baby is growing up too quickly..

foot girl

2008-11-08T14:57:00.000-08:00

I have avoided American football for the past 8 years, turning away from any tv that shows it, even though its such an integral part of life here, like cricket is in India. But football makes no sense to me and its very rough, watching grown men pinning each other down in heaps makes me uncomfortable. I grew up calling 'soccer' football, so its always been just a little bit weird for me to make the transition..the whole petrol pump, dickey thing, ya know it.

But you can't live in TX and be unexposed to football for long...so last night I took Anika for a high school football game to watch Andrea's son Dominic play in the band.

I was amazed to see the pretty sizable stadium and the huge number of people there were for a 'high school' game. Football is obviously very well funded in this state. Anika looked around wide eyed at the bright lights and the crowds and slowly took it all in. She clapped and screamed with the crowd whenever she had a chance. The band played and she jumped to the beat in my lap and tried to spot Domi's back from the other 200 kids there. Before half time one of the kids was injured and had to be carried out on a stretcher...

It was a great experience except for the hurt child..

We decided to leave early to avoid the crowds. I had her in the carrier on the way to the car. Here's our conversation:

A: Mama Anika baby had fun in stadium
Me: That's great beta, i'm glad we came then
A: Ya. But sumdy(somebody) got hurt
M: Yes, he'll be fine though, don't worry
A: Will they take him to doctor?
M: Yes
A: Will his mama papa be there?
M: Yes they will, they'll take good care of him
A: Give him kichoos and warmee warmee milk
M: Yes..are you tired beta?
A: No but when I grow big and strong I play foot girl too

Raising the bar

2008-11-06T09:30:00.000-08:00

I wrote this the morning after the election, blogger wouldn't load sooner to publish..

Last night I had tears streaming down my face when I saw the spontaneous celebration of people of every color all over the country and the world when Obama was elected President. I was very very sceptical prior to the big day, I envisioned recounts and malfunctioning machines..but last night went way beyond my wildest dreams...it was incredible. I now believe that anything is possible in this country. I moved here when GWB came into power, right before 9/11. The last 8 years have been so tough in so many ways..I really wanted a change for this country. And man what an inspiring change its been.

I wept when McCain spoke..I was floored, he spoke from the heart and so graciously congratulated his opponent..For me coming from India seeing this maturity and humility in politics was awe aspiring. Speaking as 'himself', he made a real connection with me for the first time.

Then of course when Obama spoke...I wept again. Its obvious that he is a brilliant man who knows how to give a moving speech...but again it was his humility and manner that really got me. He didn't come out there and gloat, he didn't talk about himself..he spoke about the movement, he spoke about the road ahead, he spoke about the disappointment of the 48 million who didn't vote for him, it was like he carried their burden and wanted to win them over.

The part of his speech that really resonated with me was:

'And to all those who have wondered if Americas beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.'

Last night I was proud to call America my home. There maybe many things wrong with America but the manner in which the people of this country can look at themselves and make a change for the better is amazing to me. There are so many injustices in India, that are left at the status quo because it is not in the interest of people in power to solve them. India still has very feudal, intolerant ways that are not truly examined with the aim of finding an enduring and fair solution. Even if laws are passed they are easily flouted and ignored...I could go on and on...

Last night showed what a democracy can be like when it really works.

Obama comes to power at a very difficult time with the economy in shambles, two ongoing wars, millions of unemployed people with talk of further massive lay offs looming..Times will be tough but I have faith. I was so cynical and jaded with GW that I had switched off but Obama has given me hope again that things can be different and fair. Its not about his color its about his ideals and his intelligence, he has truly raised the bar of presidency.

Change please...

2008-11-04T13:32:00.000-08:00

I can't stand the waiting..please voters and universe let it happen.

fall yummies

2008-10-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

Anika and Papa made a delicious treat I saw here . Thank you fabulous internet mama.

It is seriously good and very easy..they put it together while I made dinner. DH loves it so much he's been taking lunch to work everyday just to pack it as dessert. On the first day when it was done I said this is going to be a major set back for my fitness plans so he very supportively said why not give some away to friends then?

He came back home the first day and tried to ask casually, "So did you give any pumpkin bread away yet?"

Its still in the fridge. I try not to eat more than one piece a day;)

how they've grown

2008-10-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

This is Anika and her bff Nikhil, this is how they looked a year ago.

First they were asked to sit next to each other

then I said put your arms around each other

Nikhil's mom says, put your arm around her, Anika first pushes him away

and then looks down coyly!

Walking off into the sunset

confession

2008-10-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

I ran for 22 consecutive days. I felt good about myself every single time. I never thought, I wish I hadn't done that.

I haven't been for my run for the past five days...there were valid reasons for three of those five days, but the other two I was lazy. And each day I slipped up it became easier to not go. This just goes to show...I cannot miss a SINGLE day if I want to make exercise a habit. Failure is a part of the process of change. Instead of dwelling too much on the failure I have decided I'm going to reset my resolve. This guy always helps.

I will be going tomorrow morning for sure and every other day after that unless I am ill. I need to just get back on the band wagon as quick as I can so whatever little conditioning I have created is not lost.

The reason I am blogging about this is accountability. Not that any of my readers is going to cross examine me, but just putting it out here will help.

This is about the REST of my life, like brushing my teeth...remember?

about the house

2008-10-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

The animal cookie cutter set I bought for $8.99 was the best investment I ever made. Anika ate a seal and a bird full of cheese today=)

Yes he's wearing a diaper

That's Anika

And that's Papa(her idea). This is a bag I got a bottle of wine in from my sweet friend Leahann

Milk carton bus with badly constructed wheels

dandia in the park

2008-10-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

First came the dolling up, our favorite part

Then came the pooja, there she is in the front row

Party! Dandia style=)

This impromptu dandia party took place in our park last night. We potlucked, arranged some music and tried not to knock each other's heads off! Fun all around=)

birthday

2008-10-02T11:39:00.000-07:00

Dax came on the 29th of September. Stephana went into labor at 2:00 pm and her husband called us at 2:30. Andrea got there at 3:30 and I got there 15 minutes later with a knot in my stomach anticipating intense birthing. As I walked in I saw Andrea and Kelly speaking in hushed tones. Andrea said, she just had the baby. WHAT? WTF? She had the baby at 3:20 so even Andrea missed it! Can you believe that? There were two video cameras in the house, plus mine on the way, tripods, tapes , DSLRs, the works and not even one was turned on for the actual birth...Dax maxed all expectations..out in an hour! Wow.

I did shoot a little of the 'after' stuff. Stephana was laying there like a Goddess with the baby on her breast. She looked so beautiful and natural. I was quite literally in awe of her power and beauty. What struck me was her absolute attention on her new born with no regard to her own condition. Its amazing how every child gives birth to a mother.

I don't think I have the strength of spirit or body confidence it takes to have a child at home...I need the backup of a hospital and pain medication just incase. Having said that, midwives are very well equipped to handle birth emergencies and always know when to take a mother to a hospital if complications that require intervention arise...yet to me it is a leap of faith in SELF. Could I do it without flipping out? There was a point in Anika's birth where I definitely felt I couldn't do it any more, I wanted deliverance from 'suffering' so to speak. I guess its like everything I do, I need a back door to escape..it takes a different sort of strength to say, I will do this no matter what.

Being there made me think back to my birth experience. All I remember of it is love and support. I felt like a queen who was carried on love..sounds melodramatic...but when you're in the throes of labor pains, love is like water to a dying person's lips..it is such a powerful experience only dramatic analogies like that begin to come close to describing the experience. Dh was just incredibly loving and supportive, I couldn't have gotten as far as I did without him and my doula. My doula Giselle Whitwell was amazing, she was like a mother, so compassionate. They were both with me every step of the way, through the 21 hours it took! Thank you both for giving me the best birth experience I could have wanted.

This morning when mama wished me a happy birth day I wished HER a happy birthday for pushing me out. To all mothers who make, carry and birth love.

Waiting for Dax

2008-09-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting morning. I videotaped a beautiful pregnant woman, Stephana. She is a friend of Andrea's who is on her way to having a home birth any day now, I suspect as early as tonight, she was already having contractions while I was there. Her first child was also born at home. Andrea will be photographing the home birth of their second son, Dax and I will have the absolute privelege of being present to videotape it. She is very passionate about natural child birth and the ability of every woman to bear a child naturally if she wishes. She wants to empower women to take charge of their own bodies and balance the culture of fear associated with birth today by documenting her own natural journey. Her inspiration comes from a beautiful video she shared with me when I got there. It was the documentation of an amazing and beautiful home birth of a midwife from Mexico. It was powerful and moving in its simplicity and naturalness.

going strong

2008-09-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

Its day 5 and I'm still going strong..I'm excited. Today I jogged for 25 minutes! It wasn't that bad at all..I think the key is going every single day.

The element

2008-09-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

"Is the place where passion and skill meet. People find the element when they engage in the thing that they love that they are especially good at doing." Ken Robinson

Is it okay to be 34 and not yet know what you are especially good at?

I woke up at 6 this morning and instead of trying to go back to sleep I got out of bed, put on some walking clothes and started walking. It was as simple as that. I usually make lists of things I need before I can embark upon a 'fitness program' blah blah blah, I'm an expert at stalling..anyway decided to walk out of suburbia to the main road, very exciting. There and back was 45 minutes at a brisk pace. I just HAVE to make this a part of my life. All the people I admire have been regular exercisers all their lives. It just HAS to be one more thing like brushing my teeth or sleeping at night. My body needs this. I'm too young to be having aches in my knees, shoulders and back. Ridiculous. Anyway here's my commitment in print..I will do this for 30 days. Wake up early and go for a walk of at least 45 minutes.

I came back home and talked to my mother on the phone. I asked her what she thought my talents or strengths were growing up. She said confidence. I loved to be up on stage in front of people and entertain them, I loved to tell stories. " You were very confident and fearless and also dayavan(compassionate)." Should I be a theater actor, a preacher or a God father?

In other news, I did buy myself the implements to get started on my dream board, I just need to get them out of the dickey/trunk of the car.

Interesting piece for habit change.

los pinguinos mambo

2008-09-18T19:29:00.001-07:00

Loved Ms. t's macho penguins and wanted to add what Anika and i boogied to all afternoon=)

listen in

2008-09-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

For the past week my inner voice repeated the word, 'unfulfilled' in my head. It didn't feel very good. What is missing? Thought, desire, dreams. Caught up in the everydayness of life makes me forget to think of the big picture of my life. Why do I feel unfulfilled? The first question I need to answer is 'What do I want?' By not defining my dreams, I perpetuate my state of vague disillusionment/disenchantment. I feel stuck in negative feelings without the time/energy to really examine what I need to make me feel fulfilled.

The truth is, its easier to be stuck in negativity than do the real work of trying to fix what feels broken. This morning I was feeling anxious, there was a sick feeling in my stomach like before a race. I was suddenly having flashes of what I want from my life, of what I could be if I would just get out of my own way and follow my dreams. Thoughts I have put on the back burner were coming back in an overwhelming flood. D heard me sighing and fretting and looked me straight in the eyes and said, " Don't be afraid of it, let it grow within you."

This is where I plan to start. Thanks Sara.

Downtownish

2008-08-25T04:34:00.000-07:00

Dh worked on Sunday so Atta and I went on a jaunt. I went looking for the Hot sauce festival at Waterloo park but the hellish maze of one ways, a circus of animals, clowns and day before school students with trolleys full of stuff sent me ducking into the Blanton Museum parking lot for cover. Parking was free and the museum was air conditioned..it was around noon, what's a mama to do? It all worked out perfectly because Anika really enjoyed the 'moozeem'.

Here she is in a breathtaking installation by Brazilian artist, Cildo Meireles called, 'Mission: How to Build a Cathedral'.

The piece is a permanent feature in the museum and is well worth a visit to the museum in itself. It is hauntingly beautiful with the soft warm light bouncing off the shiny copper pennies, covered with a canopy of stark white bones. Visitors are welcome to enter the piece through black net curtains and play with the 600,000 pennies. Anika needed no instruction, she gravitated like a moth to the flame, we stayed within the exhibit for half an hour.

Car conversations

2008-08-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

We are a one car household and we make a 20 minute drive to pick Papa up from work nearly everyday. Here is a sample conversation from the other day.

Anika: " Don't feel bad pity doll..."
Me: " Why is pretty doll sad?"
A: " Because stroller"
Me: " Does she miss her stroller"
A : " She wants to go to park in stroller"
Me: "Oh..but her stroller is in the back yard all wet in the rain, she can't sit in it now."

Long pause. A:" Pretty doll's bums get all wet."

Later.

A:" Mama, atta did fart, did you her it?"
me:" No I didn't."
A: " mama, pease do fart."
me:" ok!" Make fart sound with my mouth
A:" Ok now do loooooong fart." laughs loudly, very pleased with her self.

Later.

A:" Atta miss papa."
M:" I know baby we'll see papa soon, we're almost there."
A: "Papa papa aaja(come) now."
M;" Aww, baby do you love papa?"
A:"Hahn."
M:" How much do you love papa?"
A thinks for a little while;" Taller than mama!"

This post is mainly because of the countless conversations I have forgotten, I had to write some down.

New header

2008-08-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

The gorgeous pic of Anika in the header was taken by Tanya. It captures the stage she's at so beautifully- always ready to go, obsessed with her school bag, with her boo hat and noo shoes on, about to give me a long talk about something. She is asking about school over and over again , we've been touring a few and she seems VERY ready. I must be boring her at home.

Sari

2008-08-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

We're having a very Indian weekend. Here she is sporting a sari=)

Bond of Protection

2008-08-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

D and I grew up celebrating many festivals in India and we want our little American to have some of those cultural experiences too. Whenever I doll her up in her Indian attire, which is usually quite special filled with jari(golden threads) or little bells, she knows something fun is going to happen. Yesterday was 'raksha bandhan' literally, bond of protection. It is a festival to celebrate the bond between brother and sister. Historically the sister ties the brother a 'rakhi' a simple thread promising her love in return for the brother's love and protection. Over the years, the threads have turned into fancy, sometimes garish bling things and the protection has become money or gifts. You tie a rakhi, put some red teeka on the forehead and then feed the brother some sweets. I have a very nice cousin, who lives in Austin, whom I tied a rakhi. Anika tied his two son's, her brothers rakhis. She was VERY excited and kept saying 'bhaiya come gen' (brother) when they left. This is how much she's gown since raksha bandhan last year.

We sent her favorite brother, Raunaq a rakhi by post and spoke to him on the phone. They love each other a lot, he is the only one she still misses from her India trip. there have been at least three occasions when Raunaq has cried on the phone when Anika has said, " Atta miss bhaiya." Raunaq is 10 years old.

long suffering bff

2008-08-16T14:03:00.000-07:00

Sweet Palu has always loved Anika a lot, he is very dog like in his devotion to her and in his tolerance of her games. When she was a new born, he would sit right by me when I nursed her. From the start whenever she cries, he meows to me and nudges me to 'fix it'. When she is hurt he hovers around her rubbing along her. After her famous obsession with Stuart little and his 'best friend' Margalow, Anika says 'Palu Atta's best friend, mama.'

Pineapple Express

2008-08-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

Laughed very hard, go watch it! Seth Rogen is highlarious he co wrote it, the dialogue is unbelievably funny. LOVE James Franco, I want him to be my BFFF. I was laughing so hard my friends might have been embarrassed, sorry Mel and Jenni, I'm a hyena, its in my genes.

A mouse, a cat and a bear

2008-08-11T22:59:00.000-07:00

All summer long some theaters in the city show free kids movies. Anika and I went to a couple. The first time was a failure, she wanted out in ten minutes, because some Bunnies were being portrayed in an unfavorable light. The second time around I took her for a movie just to kill time in the comfort of the ac until 'Story time' at Barnes & Noble. This time the movie was Stuart Little 2. She fell in love with the dapper Stuart from the first frame. By the time he was driving home from school in his fancy car, she was hooked. She didn't say much except for asking a few questions about his brother George. I tried to leave the movie when the bad guy 'the falcon' made an appearance but she was already in love with 'Tuart' and refused to leave. I watched with trepidation but soon got sucked into the narrative myself.

She loved Stuart's friend Margalow the little yellow, free spirited bird. She was entranced. After a lot of drama the movie finally ended, the titles began to roll and Anika had a total break down, "more movie' were the only words I could decipher between yells and sobs. I tried in vain to explain to her that all movies must end and that Stuart was fine and so was Margalow but she was inconsolable. She cried for 20 minutes. I was at a loss, I finally convinced her in SONG that Stuart and Margalow were living in the book store and we could go meet them in the DVD section. She was whimpering when we walked into B&N some what convinced of the story. To my horror they didn't have the DVD, I walked into the kids section looking for a distraction when Anika screamed, Tuart! and fell to her knees. There was a hard bound book about the mouse. Thank you God. She has not put the book down since.

This unfortunate looking cat fell into the in sink garbage disposal. I hid it from her for a few days. When she found him she was very upset. 'What happened to Mau? What happened to his er(ear), he got a big happi(hurt). Poor mau mama, what happened? I scrambled. He went out last night and got into a fight, give him love baby, he will get better. She carried him around everywhere for a few days and made these very unnerving crying meow sounds and then tended to him with kisses, clucking and saying poor mau, don't go out at night gen(again).

And this guy, now girl is wearing the product of my first attempt at sewing. Mel organized a crafty MNO at a lovely little local sewing shop called the Stitching Studio. While the others worked on unfinished projects, I tried my hand at stitching for the first time. Initially I just practised sewing in a straight line on paper with no thread. After doing 10 lines I was feeling bold and wanted some thread in my machine. Thanks to Melissa my first project was a little bag made from a basket of scraps at the studio, then I made a wine bottle carrier..but my piece de resistance is this..

Anika LOVES it, she takes the teddy everywhere

Seven years

2008-08-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

We chose to marry on the 11th because the number looks like two people standing next to each other in equality. Thank you my love for walking by my side.

Atta turns two

2008-07-21T09:28:00.001-07:00

My beautiful angel, pari, farishta is two years old...look at this GORGEOUS capture of her on her birthday by my beautiful hermana Andrea

There's so much more to say but for now, i just want my family and friends to see this amazing picture.

Growing up too quickly

2008-07-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

This amazing picture is by Tanya the magnificent.

Anika surprised me this morning when she said, 'Mama meato(mosquito) bit Atta hand'

I absently said," Oh poor baby, which hand?"

"Atta right hand"

I was surprised, I checked it really was the right hand, she pointed out. SO I proceeded, which is this hand, she said 'my left hand." I said, 'Wow baby, that's amazing! You are so smart!"

She smiled and said, " This Is Atta's right foot and this left", all correct. How did she learn this? Just from listening to us say, "going right now", in the car?

She is SO absorbent of EVERYTHING around her, its unbelievable, her grasp of language, her memory, her emotional intelligence just blow me away. Social skills are coming next.

She is suddenly very interested in all little people, at the park today she saw a little girl and asked me, "Mama what that girl name?' I said, 'I don't know sweetie maybe Sara'. She is not satisfied, "Atta have go ask her." She wants to be friends with everybody...even if they are running in the other direction.

In the park the other day, there was a little girl riding around on a sparkly scooter, you know the kind with tassels and pink wheels. Anika wanted a 'turn', another concept we have been working on because she had been coming woefully to me at play dates and saying, ' Sumbidy took way doll fom Atta hand'. So I tried to tell her that she has to say, "Its my turn now " if she wasn't ready to give it away. So that day in the park she said to me," Now Atta turn" while looking at the pink scooter entranced. I tried to tell her that is not our scooter and we can't play with it because that little girl is not a friend.

She says," She my friend, mama let Atta try ask her for turn."

No amount of reasoning worked, so we went over there and Anika asked the girl who said . "NO! It's Suzy's! " dropped the scooter and ran away.

My eyes welled up and a deep sigh escaped when Atta looked up at me with those big brown eyes.

I was irrational, I saw a few mothers who were within ear shot, I swallowed my pride and asked," Can my daughter please try the scooter out?" A mom said, 'yes.'

Anika had a spin, but I just didn't feel right. If I had seen a child next to Anika's toy would I have pretended not to notice too? Would I have offered the child a turn? I was also feeling unsure of what I had done..She doesn't usually want to play with other kids toys but this was an exception. Should I have said no, we can't have everything and just dragged her away from there even though she did want to do the socially acceptable thing of just asking? In truth I didn't want her to ask because I was afraid of her being rejected, I didn't want her to feel belittled or heart broken. I wanted to protect her from pain. I know I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I just wonder about this stuff a lot. How do I parent her right? How do I bring up a girl who can stand up for herself and be able to share her toys at the same time?

Aji

2008-06-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

Last week Anika and I spent a lovely morning with Nikhil's Aji(grandma) and Ajoba(grandpa). They are here from India to visit their son Abhi, a dear friend of ours.

While growing up in Bombay/Mumbai I had easy access to tasty food made by friends' mothers from different parts of the country. One of my favorite foods growing up was 'Puran poli', a Maharashtrian speciality. I only got to eat it on festivals when some mothers would prepare it for poojas. My mother never made it because she didn't grow up with it in Punjab. A puran poli is basically a wheat roti(bread) stuffed with a delicious filling of gram dal(lentils) and 'gur'(natural sugar). YUM! Moving here reversed my fortunes with good, authentic, Indian mother made food. Abhi's mother is Maharashtrian and I thought learning how to make the dish from her would give me a chance to prepare it myself and introduce an authentic version to Anika. Aji very graciously agreed to teach me. Truth be told, I really just wanted to sink my teeth into a fresh, hot, delicious Puran poli myself.

The process was a lot harder than I expected. The stickiness of the sugar made it very hard to roll the dough into a round roti without breaking it. I watched in awe as Aji filled large amounts of yummy stuffing to a small circle of dough and gracefully closed it while turning it in her hand. She rolled it out into a perfect circle and transferred it off the 'chakla' or rolling surface onto a newspaper and gently slid it off onto the tawa(pan) in two fluid motions. Amazing to watch. My attempt was very clumsy and nerve wracking, after creating one lopsided, under filled roti, I offered to just watch the 'naazuk kaam' or delicate work. It was a good decision, because when it was done and ready for tasting..it was dream like.

Anika LOVED it! She literally danced after every bite and said 'yummy!'

I asked Anika, "Atta do you like it?"

Anika. "mmmmm..yummy!"

Me,"How much do you like it?"

Anika,"Too much!"

Aji said, " This is the reaction we mother's cook for."

Anika crooning to Pia masi

2008-06-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

Missing Pri and our days in Bombay. Here is a video of Anika singing a song she made up, don't know what it means.

Meaning of my life

2008-06-11T14:00:00.001-07:00

Saw an interesting test here and had to try it myself.

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Justice (Fairness)

Your life is guided by the concept of Fair Justice: Everyone, yourself included, should be rewarded and punished according to the help or harm they cause.

"He who does not punish evil commands it to be done."

--Leonardo da Vinci

“Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.”

--Dwight D. Eisenhower

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Justice (Fairness)

90%

Utilitarianism

90%

Hedonism

80%

Existentialism

80%

Kantianism

65%

Strong Egoism

35%

Apathy

20%

Nihilism

20%

Divine Command

Weaning woes

2008-06-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

I've been really irritated because Anika refuses to drink milk anymore. After a lot of patience I finally had her at a point where she was drinking almost 10 oz a day and suddenly nada, not one sip. It's driving me up the wall. I think she needs the nutrition and I am ready to wean her. Slowly does it, I know. Whenever I try to force anything she resists, just like her father, if it seems like its her decision, milk is casually around when she is hungry , she asks for it herself. Its taking a lot of willpower to 'not insist'. I think its the talk of not mama milk only cow's milk that is making her feel like I don't love her anymore or something. I don't know how to do this humanely, I want our Bf relationship to end positively. My threats yesterday of drink this milk or else no park are definitely not the way to go..According to Dr. Sears and gang she should self wean, but that could be anywhere between 2 to 4. I DO NOT want to go there. I was planning up to 2 and she will be two in a month and a half. Any mamas have any ideas? I cannot be mean and say NO MORE...any other gentle suggestions? Or am I being silly? Is it like quitting an addiction, cold turkey..or can it be gradual? She was taking milk from the bottle in the day except when she was going down for her nap or night sleep, I thought that could be the last one to stop..but now we're all out of control again..Its like Pri says, I have to be consistent and firm..but she's just a baby and she really loves it so much, she is showing no signs of being disinterested..

Gun Dun Go Do! Djembe'ing rocks!!

2008-06-05T00:04:00.000-07:00

I went for my first Djembe class today and I had a blast! I loved it so much, I feel ALIVE!! The Djembe is a West African hand drum that is carved out of a tree, is covered with the skin of an animal and is meant to be played with bare hands. I had no idea my hands could make music and stay in tune/rhythm with other players. I was part of a drum circle that consisted of mostly unknown people. It was invigorating and meditative. I felt like a child and a primal woman all at once. What a trip.

Mae is a 40 something woman who teaches the class in her home. She is a great teacher who loves to drum so much its infectious. She is funny, warm and down to earth. Andrea thank you for introducing me to this. I really got into it. I was like eyes closed and zoning out, and it was my first day ever. I can't wait to go next week.

Sex and the city

2008-06-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

Getting dressed up, sipping a beverage and watching this movie with friends was definitely the best way to do it. My verdict on the movie: Fun but I have some gripes. In general it pales in comparison to the series in its hey day (ie on HBO not the doctored version on the networks). I kind of liked being left with the last season in my head, in Paris with Carrie in that beautiful grey dress and Big driving up to her...I think the problem was Mr. Big, he's gotten too big and just didn't feel sexy anymore..=( There was no chemistry between them...Maybe its because his sex appeal came from his elusiveness? Seeing Mr. Big designing closets is a far cry from red balloons and a limo.

The story was predictable but good. Scenes with all four of them were as great as always. Carrie/SJP was fantastic throughout the movie, I'm a die hard fan. Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte did not skip a beat. Carrie and Miranda's friendship was very satisfying as always. The clothes/fashion, were a delight to watch. I can't imagine wearing most of them because I'm no longer a size six physically or mentally and frankly unless I got them at Goodwill I couldn't afford them. But watching, yum. All the colours, the fabulous bodies..that's the trip with SATC, livin' the life vicariously.

I missed seeing the city more...there were so many interiors in the film. I guess the four of them are just too famous to do long takes on busy NY streets anymore. Crowd control must have been really hard. The show had so much more of an independent feel because of the locations and the not yet 'so famous' cast. Some scenes really recreated the magic. The 'coloring' conversation, Charlotte in Mexico, Carrie packing with the girls, Valentine's day and New Years night were quintessential SATC.

I loved the music in the film but I really missed the original soundtrack in the beginning and also the opening credits. It was very clever the way they 'caught everyone up' in the beginning with the story but STILL I wanted to see Carrie on the streets of NY in her pink tutu, sans bra getting splashed by the bus with THE music in the background.

I think the real problem for me was the change in format. This was always meant to be vignettes into the lives of these people/divas, not actual chronological events leading up to a resolution. Fantasy can't be encapsulated into a marathon 140 minutes, 20 minutes once a week was more suitable, always left you wanting more.

BUT, BUT, BUT, go see it because its THE girls, its fun, you have to go! You can't not go for this if you were a fan of the series.

Another one?

2008-06-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today Anika and I met a 2 week old baby, Lucas. One of the O mama's, Monica just had her second child. She opened the door with him on her breast, it was the most beautiful sight in the world, she looked tired and lovely like only a new mother can. We talked about the emotional impact of a second child on mama and child number one. Suddenly mama has to be shared. I always wonder about the same thing, Anika is the love of my life, will I be able to love another child as much as this? And won't she feel left out and replaced. Monica had tears in her eyes as she said, I had to keep Gabriella away from Lucas last week because she had a cold, she was so sad. When I asked her about feelings for the second one she said that even though she wondered about how she would feel, when the baby came she felt the same powerful love. The only reason I think of another child is to give Anika a sibling. My sisters are my best friends, surely Anika deserves the same opportunity for love, friendship and support in her life...

Hindi and Bindi

2008-05-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

Adorable picture of Anika courtesy Melissa

I finally had a play date at home. My friends Tanya and Andrea from my fabulous Mother's group suggested I host a play date with an Indian theme. So I gave it a tentative shot, I didn't think I had the initiative to get off my lazy ass and put something non-lame together. These mamas have set the bar very high.

Tanya and Andrea came a little earlier than everyone else, THANK GOD because I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Tanya and Mia came first. I got a warm warm Tanya hug that made me very happy. The sight of Andrea looking calm and beautiful in her purple and gold salwaar kameez put me right at ease. They were like, 'how can we help?' They got right to it. Andrea helped finish some of the craft prep while Tanya helped make everyone feel right at home as they came in. It felt like Mala and Priya(my older sisters) were around, they always had me covered. Tanya is like Priya, gregarious and loving. Andrea is like Mala, calming and dependable. I had my Hermanas by my side and life was good.

I had a few Indian books and toys on display, organized a craft activity and had some snacks available. Lora, the amazing made SAMOSAS!!!! I was floored, they were so tasty, I couldn't believe all the trouble she took. For the craft, I made stencils of each child's name out of foam and attached them to card stock with velcro. I wanted each child to go home with their names painted in Hindi. The foam was not rigid enough to hold up to jabs from toddlers' brushes. I suspect despite my best intentions all the kids' names have extra lumps on them. Next time I will try to use a more rigid material. However, I think the kids had fun and that is the REAL purpose right?

There were balls, dolls, cars, books, goldfish, raisins, hands, legs and little feet everywhere! I kept smiling from ear to ear the entire time, I was so thrilled to be surrounded by all this energy.

The most gratifying and loving part of the day was the warmth and openness of all the mamas. There were four American women dressed in Indian clothes. Melissa looked beautiful in a gorgeous sari, which she carried off better than me. Ever since I've had a toddler, I avoid wearing a sari like the plague because I'm certain I'll have it around my ankles in no time after one tug from Anika. Andrea looked gorgeous in her silk salwaar kameez. Tanya and Lora looked beautiful in vibrant churidaar kurtas. Everyone sported a bindi and looked so cute...

When they all left, I put Anika to bed and came downstairs to pick up. I realized there was nothing left to do, it was all done. I got kind of emotional when I went to the sink and noticed that some kind woman had even washed some of the dishes that I hadn't yet gotten to. Anika's bottles were washed and the sponges were neatly put away.

There will be many more play dates at this casa.

The pics are from Andrea, Tanya has great pics too on her blog.

Getting back on the web wagon

2008-05-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

'Mama dove Aata', that's what Anika just said to me, it means Anika loves Mama. She also hugs Palu (the cat) and says Aata dove Palu, he is usually pretty tolerant, but the other day he bit her. Of course I chased Palu out like a mama tiger, but it's she who needs to learn to control her rough love=)

We have finally gotten used to being home after a lovely vacation in India. I feel rejuvinated and clear headed. I didn't know what I wanted from my trip back home but I got everything I needed and some. I spent a lot of time with family, Anika got tons of love, attention and stimulation. When we left she was pre-verbal, she had about 40 words she used to communicate. Within a month of being in India she had a vocabulary of over a 100 words and soon she was stringing them together to make two-three word sentences. It was like a cascade of development. Everything came together at once. She was having fun and getting such a kick out of being understood. She picked up many Hindi words too, she says words from both languages together to make certain we get it.

She has also developed a great emotional intelligence. If mama gets a 'hupee' or 'hurt, she comes over and kisses it. When we returned from a weekend away she wanted to feed her favorite toy, a stuffed cat. Today she was taking a bath and said.'Aata miss papa'. Out of the blue she says, "aata go bhaiya, park' Bhaiya is her cousin brother in Bombay, who she was crazy about. I can't believe her memory! Last week, we went to the Children's Museum and stayed for a couple hours, we left 5 minutes before closing time. When I got to the parking lot I started digging around for my key, it was no where to be found, I emptied my entire bag in the street in a panic. I ran back to the museum and got in right before they closed, with no idea where to start looking. I asked Anika, 'Beta, mama lost the car keys, do you know where they are?' She said immediately, 'Ya'. I asked her disbelievingly, 'Where are they?' She said, 'Shop', i was surprised she knew that word to begin with, but I listened to her. We went in the shop ad then I put her down and said, 'Can you show mama where they are?" She walked right to the back of the store and picked them up from the ground and handed them to me! I was shocked! Truly. I kissed her profusely and left the museum with a skip and sky high goose bumps.

Its so ironic that just when she is so much fun to play with I am thinking of going back to work. I really need the mental stimulation and the money, but I can't imagine being without her. I think part time is the best idea for now, for both of us. She will really benefit from learning new things and interacting with other children now.

I have no energy

2008-04-22T13:20:00.000-07:00

this no blogging for so long is making me guilty. I have so much to write about, but I'm so far behind..and ALLLLL those pics to upload..I've become so lazy. I come to the computer with great enthusiasm, read my faves and run down for tea. Soon soon, I promise..

Sur full circle

2008-03-01T11:58:00.000-08:00

This week I crossed over the cyber-real world line for the first time. I met one of my favorite bloggers, Surabhi and her adorable Sanah..I first read her blog two years ago, when Sanah was 6 months old and Anika was still within.

As we came in from the heat and dust of a gruelling rickshaw ride, Sur had cold nimbu pani ready, my favorite. She and Sanah seemed so familiar even though it was the first time we had laid eyes on each other. So bizarre and so cool. I don't even know what we talked about, it was like meeting a family member, just gup-shup, khana. I wanted to talk about our things in common, but we didn't even go there. It took George to ask me what films I've made before that obvious commonality even surfaced. We were like, oh ya..our films. We started talking about work a little but like mother's usually are, we were interupted by our toddlers in turn and it was cool, half finished conversations were the norm.

Then I was fed a delicious meal of bhindi, tendli, MA ki Dal amd rotis yum. I was very pleased. The kids were being entertained by Tai while we chatted about film and drinking stories! It was incredibly adult and fun. I think I laughed too much, maybe I seemed over eager? I didn't mean to be, I was just so overjoyed at having an adult conversation I couldn't help myself. I was thrilled at the situation. Here I was in a filmmaker/writer's house that I happened to chance upon in my desperate searches for community when I was pregnant in a new city. I devoured Sur's words about motherhood, moodiness, film, friends everything. She was all my own, something I did for myself in snatches of free time from routine. And here I was having lunch with her in Bombay.

Surabhi was warm , funny and interesting like her writing. I really enjoyed meeting her. Thanks Surabhi for opening up your home to us.

Anika had a blast shouting, 'Ko come' in the balcony with Sanah, that's crow come.

Here is my tag completed, finally

A -Available?
what?

B-Best friend:
dh and my sisters

C-Cake or Pie?
moist, dark, chocolate cake

D-Drink of choice:
adrak chai, red wine, good chillllled beer, nimbu pani, cold water.

E-Essential thing used everyday:
chaddis

F-Favourite colour:
varies

G-Gummi bears or worms:
bears, like to bite their heads off

H-Hometown:
mumbai meri jaan

I-Indulgence:
anything sweet

J-January or February:
January

K-Kids and names:
one Anika

L-Life:
is good, complex and always changing.

M-Marriage date:
August 11th, chosen because it represented two people standing next to each other in equality, the 11 part August was circumstantial.

N-Number of siblings:
two

O-Oranges or apples:
Oranges.

P-Phobias:
that i will stop dreaming. that the spark will die/fizzle

Q-Quote:
Goethe's quote, 'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.' Also as a companion quote is, 'i am your idea, use me or lose me.' a taunt I saw in an ad somewhere.

R-Reason to smile:
my baccha

S-Season:
cool, cloudy, green

T-Tag three people:
sunshine, kaat, bonnie

U-Unknown fact about me:
can't think of anything witty to say

V-Vegetable you do not like:
slimy bhindi

W-Worst habit:
procrastination

X-x-rays you have had:
teeth and foot

Y-Your favorite food:
mama made tairsaadam(yoghurt rice)

Z-Zodiac:
libra

Jodha Akbar is breathtaking

2008-02-18T04:10:00.000-08:00

Put down that review that says JA is worth only two stars, in fact throw it down hard. Turn off the radio where people casually pass unintelligent judgement on this masterpiece. We saw it yesterday and loved it. EVERY minute of it.

It is extremely cinematic, sensitive and beautiful. Despite its grand scale its beauty is in the simple things. Ashutosh Gowariker is a thoughtful, conscientitious filmmaker who does not cater to the lowest common denominator for the sake of profit. The film is well grounded and rich in detail. The cinematography is grand yet understated. The sets are like the interiors of the beautiful Rajput palaces in their hey day, breathtakingly beautiful. Every set is like a snapshot from a palatial designer's manual, so gorgeous and tasteful, a feast for the eyes. The language is poetic. The music is fabulous, Rahman zindabad, that Sufi song just lifts me up, I've listened to it a million times and it puts me in a trance.

The casting is just perfect no one else could have done the roles of Jodha and Akbar as convincingly, as Aishwarya and Hritik, they make a fabulous couple. Hritik Roshan portrayed the humanity of the powerful emperor so convincingly, his whole persona was regal, idealistic and sensitive. He looked like a man who was trying to do the right thing and win a place in the hearts of people. He is also very easy on the eyes in his fantastic mughal wardrobe. Aishwarya Rai is perfect, she is just so beautiful and dignified. Her strength and beauty were a true depiction of a proud Rajput woman. Nobody could have done those fabulous Sword fighting scenes, she was just amazing. Together they are MAGIC. It was a real delight watching these two gorgeous people performing. They seemed so 'into' their characters. After leaving the film I really missed the world that it had created...

The portrayal of the confluence of Hinduism and Islam was done in many beautiful ways. Akbar supported his wife's need to continue practising her Hindu faith in a Muslim palace despite intense opposition from orthodox religious leaders...He had the wisdom to understand the difference between faith and religion...what an important message for our world today.

At the very core of the film is the love story of these two amazing forces from two very different worlds. After a long time I was really moved by a love story. I wanted them to get together so badly, I was like a hopelessly romantic teenager. In these times of in your face sexuality the restraint of this gorgeous couple was HOT. Really.

Go watch it on the big screen, you can buy the DVD later to savour it for years to come, but for now don't miss it on the big screen. My only regret was that I saw the film in a multiplex with a very sedate crowd..I wished for the catcalls and whistling I remember in hindi films growing up...I whistled twice much to the embarassment of my father! Papa loved the film, so did Mama but did groan in the war scenes, 'bahut lamba hai'. Rosh my 13 year old niece loved it and my sister love dit so much she is going for it again today..the very next day. Eat your heart out Hindustan Times.

Run fast, jump high..

2008-02-12T03:23:00.000-08:00

Here is what DH wrote in memory of dear Sheroo.

Rest in Peace

2008-02-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

Goodbye sweet Sheroo, I miss you terribly. It is too painful to imagine home without you. You won't be on the couch, you won't wake me up every morning with your demands for food, you won't sleep by me on the couch and purr so loudly I think my stomach is growling. I will miss your incessant talking, prodding, begging, feed me, love me, let me out now, now, now. I wish I had recorded your sweet sound somewhere so I could always have a piece of you to hold onto...You were my first toddler, so loving and demanding but so damn charming, you always got your way. I will miss your eyes and the way you half closed them and made a whispering mewl when you wanted something special..I know I already dinner but please give me a snack..? I feel very sad and angry about the way you were snatched away from us but I take solace in the fact that your suffering is over. I am happy you lived life on your own terms and I am grateful I was able to be so close to a wild soul. You are irreplaceble. May you rest in peace.

pit in my stomach

2008-02-09T01:04:00.000-08:00

just spoke to D this morning..sheroo is gone. he was out all night just like on several other ocassions but this time it was fatal. He appears to have been attacked by a wild animal and savagely killed. D picked up the pieces. Our first child is dead.

In Bombay!

2008-02-06T15:03:00.000-08:00

We've been here only about 10 days, yet already it feels like months have passed. Everyday is full of activity, people, food, noise, smells, auto rickshaws, cows, dogs, crows, pigeons, life, life, life. Anika is very well settled in. She was over jetlag by the fourth day, those initial few days were tough, she missed her father and home. She kept saying 'papa' softly and patting herself with a forlon look. I was so guilty for putting her through it I was ready to take the next flight home. But slowly things changed as she got over jetlag by the fourth day. Suddenly life was a party with all new things to discover. My parents' place is on the 11th floor of a building, her self-appointed play area is the balcony overlooking the sea and a busy college street. She watches the fishing boats in the distance and the cows and dogs on the beach. On the street below, she watches with excitement the hulchul in the morning, the bikes, rickshaws and students. Outside our bedroom window is an eagle's nest that she watches transfixed. Every window is a new adventure, a iearning experience, a game..she is so stimulated and happy. She has new words and long stories about what she is seeing. What an exciting change for little miss suburban American.

The best part about being here is all the love and attention she is getting, she's really basking in it. There's no love like grandparents' love. She gets pampered so much, mama has already stitched her two dresses. She gets fresh meals twice a day and is bought a small toy nearly everytime she goes out!

Wherever we go people comment on how cute she is and try to make her smile. The other day we were stuck in traffic on the way back from Da's place. A man in the car next to ours was making funny faces and making her laugh, for a good five minutes. His whole family joined in, the mother, the grand parents and their toddler, were all sticking their faces on the windows talking to Anika, she was thrilled. From being strapped in a car seat alone in the back seat to this, is quite amazing.

We have a nice routine now, she wakes up, has breakfast on the balcony.

Then she participates in the hustle bustle of the house. The doorbell rings and she drops everything and runs to the door shouting ko, ko, ko for 'kaun aaya?'(who's come?)She greets a long stream of people at the door like a priest, the dhobi(guy who irons the clothes), the doodhwala(the milkman), Sharada, the lady who cleans the dishes and Gudiya who sweeps and mops. Gudiya is a favorite because she cleans while wearing payals(anklets with tiny tinkling bells)..imagine the thrill! After all this excitement I take her down to run around in the garden and play in the park. Then we usually have some errand or the other for which we jump in an auto rickshaw.

The auto is her most radically fun experience..a fast moving car/three wheeled scooter with no doors that has no car seat! Move over Six Flags this is the ultimate roller coaster. The freedom is so heady she squeals. When we reach our destination she is very disappointed. The only way to placate her is to have her pay the ricksahwallah.

On returning home she has nani made yummy lunch while standing on the chair at the table! After lunch she dances vigorously to hip radio mirchi music after which she falls fast asleep for two solid hours. In the evening its time to snack and play again..! Non stop party I tell you. She falls asleep very easily at around 9 every night.

There are other things on my mind about the city and life here. I have some gripes and some thoughts but that intellectualisation takes a back seat to Anika's happiness. I'll write more about ALL that later, for now, all of you who know Anika have fun imagining her antics in India.

The journey home

2008-01-31T23:35:00.000-08:00

We made it halfway across the world in one piece, just about. By the end of the long flight I was ready to drill a hole in the plane and just jump out. 15 hours is too long to have a toddler on your lap in a closed space, on a small seat with strangers' elbows digging in from both sides. But its over and Anika did remarkably well under the circumstances. God bless Emirates for having Jungle Book as one of the movies, and also my travel agent for scoring the front row where I had enough room to put her down on a mat on the floor to stand or sit when I needed a break. She had only two meltdowns that were not that bad, mine were worse.

We arrived at Mumbai airport at about 2:45am after 21 hours of travel time. As we made the long walk to immigration/baggage Anika was dancing in the carrier in the front. I got our passports stamped and started towards baggage, I got help with my bags and sailed out. There they were in the darkness, Ma, Pa, Pri, Frooki and the kids! At 3 am..squealing with excitement at the first sighting of the princess. Anika was a little overwhelmed when they all surrounded us, but was happy to out in the open finally.

On the way home there was much excitement when Anika casually said her first word on Indian shores, 'bha-bhow' when she saw some stray dogs on the street. After the reaction she got she said it several more times=)

When we got home I was made to wait while Ma ran up. When we reached the door, Ma was standing there with a thali in her hand with a diya, tika and prasad to do aarti of the little Laxmi entering her home for the first time. It was beautiful, Anika was very intrigued. In the house she avoided everyone except for Raunaq, her 11 year old cousin and me. They were all dying to just grab her and squeeze her instead they watched lovingly from a distance hanging on her every word. We had tea and then all went to bed at 6am. I was happy and exhausted after the long journey. The journey has to be that long for your mind to accept the change, the whole new world. Its a crazy, surreal trip. EVERYTHING is different. Even though I grew up here, the transition is so huge everytime I can only imagine how stressful it must have been for sensitive little girl.

Last minute post

2008-01-24T12:44:00.000-08:00

Can I sleep on the flight like this?

I could travel in the bag too..

So this is the place you'll grew up?

I'll miss you Papa..

Homeward bound

2008-01-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

Finally its time to go home. Its been three years since I roamed the streets of Bombay last. This time it will be as a mother, with a baby on my hip, not the carefree crazy Bombay girl I usually am. Though I have some trepidation about going alone without Dh I also have a slow thump of excitement growing in my heart...Bombay meri jaan here I come, with the love of my life!

Taare Zameen Par

2008-01-12T01:32:00.001-08:00

Its been nearly a week since we saw this gem and there are still images from it in my head - that is a testament to the quality of the latest offering from Aamir Khan Productions, Taare Zameen Par literally 'Stars on Earth' or figuratively heavenly beings among us. I saw it twice in a row, the first time I was alone while Dh entertained Anika at the Park and the second time when it was my turn to be with her, I decided to stay while Dh watched! I am SO bad, I know...It worked out perfectly I was able to keep Anika entertained in the dark with food and whispering till Ishaan was separated from his family. It was during that tearful 'Ma' song that she wanted out NOW! Thankfully I was able to re-watch the delightful antics of Ishaan in the first half and be spared a second bout of crying. After that it was roaming the halls of the cinema and sneaking into other darkened halls to catch snatches of dialogue from other movies while Anika practised her stair climbing skills in the dark!

Now the Review:

One of the highlights of the film was the natural and unselfconscious performance of Darsheel Safary the child who played the role of Ishaan Awasthi, an 8 year old boy who is misunderstood and ostracised because he has undiagnosed dyslexia. His general childish antics in the first half had me laughing out loud. The scene where he entertained himself by burping, imitating animals, digging his nose and doing the moonwalk when he was thrown out of class had me in splits. The way he burst out laughing when his father nearly strikes his mother when he his lunging at him was adorable. In the second half he conveyed his abandonment and isolation so convincingly I cried pretty much the entire time. Ishaan could have been played by a typical 'child star' a cute looking Bournvita kid that is a champion at TTBC(trying to be cute) instead he was an everyday kid who was endearing because of his spirit and humour. Kudos to Aamir Khan for directing the boy perfectly.

I liked the sensitive portrayal of a common problem in a non-preachy way. Aamir Khan was able to say something socially relevant in a commercial setup. I also liked the comments on insensitive parenting in a competitive world. The unrealisitc goals set for children, pressured to excel in areas that they may not have any aptitude just because they have to 'succeed in the world'. Without much thought given to the innate abilities of children parents tend to set unattainable standards that crush the child's individuality. It made me think about my own parenting choices, am I trying to make Anika what I think is good or am I creating an environment that nurtures her innate abilities. Its important to think about it.

I also loved the pace of the film, it was unrushed. Aamir took the time to develop Ishaan's character, to make us love him before his travails began, I think that's why the second half or the 'conflict' was so unbearable because Ishaan was so lovable by then. I really enjoyed the little things like his day out on the town watching the big city awestruck or the dog sleeping so peacefully in his godi, the gola wala and the construction worker father and son. The painter climbing up the scaffolding with bare feet..just stuff kids would notice, I remember feeling so scared for those guys when I was a kid..I loved all the documentary shots of the city..And the beautiful motif of the fish. The film starts with little Ishaan collecting fish from a gutter that is almost choking with garbage, yet he sees the little fish and brings them home to a clean bowl on his refrigerator. In the end when his teacher has been able to rescue his fading spirit with individual attention and care, he sees goldfish in the pond at the Hostel. I read online that goldfish are a symbol of life in Iranian culture, maybe they symbolise his rebirth in the beautiful painting of the finale? The use f goldfish and the story of a young boy reminded me of the Iranian film Children of Heaven. I wonder if Aamir has seen it? I'm sure he would love it, the sensibilities are similar.

I guess the only disappointment for me was the treatement of Ishaan's mother. She who loved him and noticed his hurts when the bully's mother came complaining, who cried when she was separated from him...just didn't resist the unreasonable father enough. i was irritated that she was weak. I guess its possible, but I wish there was a scene of her taking on the father and arguing on Ishaan's behalf....Oh well can't be perfect.

I also loved the end of the film, the resolution as well as the running, happy child in the conclusion. I loved the music, Shankar Ehsan and loy are perfect and the end credits, what a great little touch.

Some movies touch the surface and disappear in a few minutes and others like this one have a deeper impact. They make waves in your consciousness that dredge up childhood memories, they stay and provide fodder for the soul long after the screen goes black. I think Dh said it best, this is movie I wish Ma had been alive to watch with me, she was like this, always bringing out the best in us with love and patience.

An adventure with lazygirl

2007-12-21T00:04:00.000-08:00

My first introduction to lazygirl was through her amazing photos on flickr. There is something so beautiful about every one. Her pictures are not just snapshots, they are everyday moments made beautiful by her eye. Real and ethereal at the same time. After I've gotten to know Bonnie better I understand where the beauty comes from. Bonnie has a relaxed quiet energy about her that is magnetic. Despite her quiet manner, she makes an impact. Today we spent a wonderful afternoon together, being around her made me realize what I like about her. She is easygoing and fun to be around. She is very open and generous with her heart, her camera and her advice. She shared some great insights about overcoming creative inertia and even offered to help me with design work. For her to make such an offer, with all her experience to someone who she barely met a month or so ago shows a generosity of spirit and confidence in her worth, that I admire.

I cooked her a not so good Indian meal, which the poor thing ate without any complaints. Any self respecting desi would have left that ma ki dal untouched after a bite(what dh did for dinner)..it just wasn't cooked enough in spite of having been soaked overnight and cooked in the pressure cooker for like an hour. It was no wonder that her usually cooing baby got very upset soon after he nursed. What was I thinking? Whole urad dal for a breastfeeding mother? Sigh. Poor baby, gripe water helped but he suffered quite a bit.

After lunch we sat out in the backyard enjoying the glorious 70 degree TX winter with a cup of chai. Time went by so quickly and lightly. As I was replaying the day in my head, I came up to the computer and saw this post on her blog, and all these great pictures on flickr..hey lady for a lazygirl you move very quickly. Thank you so much for al lthe beautiful pictures you took. You really capture my daughter's beauty.

Moms and detachable breasts

2007-12-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

Ok that got your attention without a picture, my camera is STILL broken.

Last night was an MNO(mom's night out) for the 'Other Mothers' we had a holiday party sans babies avec wine, chocolate and cheese aplenty...It was so fun to get dressed up and laugh loudly at silly things because of alcoholic beverages. I'm so glad I went, I signed up to go on the previous night when I had an insomniac moment at 3 am! The conversation eventually went to our babies and mothering. At one point we talked about how we loved nursing but would love it so much more if we could detach our breasts and leave them for baby when we needed a break! Everyone nodded solemnly and agreed, yes this would be a marvellous invention. We could co-sleep without having to go to bed right when baby does. When I was driving home later and my mind went back to the conversation the hilarity of it struck me hard..I laughed out loud!

I am SOOOO irritated that the camera is out of commission, I hate posting without pics. I have two other posts I was dying to write about...our weekend in Houston for a wonderful family get together and a fabulous package I received form India filled with sweaters my darling mother knitted for Anika...By the tiime the camera issue is resolved it'll be so long after the fact...

artist at work

2007-12-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

I must confess, the only reason I pulled out the paints and brush today was to see her dressed up in her smock, if you please. I thought she looked quite edible.

Voila!

our latest crafty adventures

2007-12-07T15:21:00.000-08:00

We had fun making a catepillar from an old egg carton. I had planned to paint the whole thing a neat green, but Anika had other ideas. she grabbed the brush and made a psychedelic one, which is much cooler than my sedate one would have been. This was our first project at home with paints and a brush. She prefers to use a brush, she hates getting her hands dirty, she has some ocd issues from dh! This is not an original idea, I got it from a kids craft book I got at a yard sale. Will post a link later, I can't find it right now.

Niya comes to town!

2007-12-04T12:56:00.001-08:00

Niya is my dh's brother's daughter, Anika's cousin sister. She is 21 months old, 5 months older than Thumki. This was the second time they met, the first time lil thumki was only 2 months old! We were all really excited that it was finally time to meet. We had visions of them running into each other's arms and hugging like a long lost couple in a hindi movie. Did not happen. The first evening was tense. Niya is 21 months old and Anika is 16 months. Two toddlers under one roof, need I say more?

Anika had been working on getting two molars out and was miserable to begin with. She was also confused because I had taken her mattress out from our bedroom and put it in her future nursery which was going to be Niya and her dad's room for the weekend. When they arrived we were collecting dried leaves off the street, a lovely mama daughter adventure Enter a new car, a man who looked like Papa but not quite and another baby who was very cute. As he opened the car door, out came beautiful NIya who I couldn't stop gushing over...'She's so beautiful, she's so adorable, sweet Niya, welcome etc'. Anika was a looking from Niya, to M to me with a small frown on her face.

When Niya came in she was tired and disoriented, so I brought Anika's favorite thrift store dancing cookie monster to amuse her. From then on the rest of the evening was spent trying to keep the peace as Niya, the older more toddlery one marched around playing with all Anika's toys and screaming loud, 'MINE's when Anika came anywhere close. Seeing Anika's creastfallen face was heart breaking. I tried to provide two of everything so there would be no war but it was hard. Each had a bowl of snacks, of a different colour. When Anika wandered near her bowl she heard a resounding 'mine' so she shrunk away. At one point she picked up Niya's bowl and handed it t her as a peace offering..sweet child but Niya just took it without acknowledgement. I have never experienced this dynamic before, I was torn between protecting Anika and letting her figure it out for herself. When Anika's papa finally came home she perked up to have someone else on her team. It was only then that I could start dinner preps because a normally independent Anika was super clingy. On the dinner table they were fascinated by each other watching each other's every move.

The next day was a whole different story, Niya woke up and started screaming 'Ka-Ka' short for Anika. Anika was all excited to see her too. The fascination continued. Anika was still giving me killer looks if I picked Niya up but the ice had been broken. They were playing together, in the same area without much strife, they had figured it out. There were a few moments of crisis but for the most part, they were coexisting peacefully.

Anika liked that Niya was fascinated by the cats, whom she feels are 'her babys'. Niya was careful around them watching cautiously from a distance and Anika was running up to them and jumping them! She was showing off! The mutual respect began to grow, there was smiling and touching=) It was just too cute to see them warming up to each other.

By Sunday morning they were colouring in the same book, reading together and playing in the garden. They were enjoying each other's company, sadly it was the day they were leaving.

Before heading to the airport we stopped at a south Indian rest for lunch and Anika was creating havoc, because of her ongoing 'food strike'. I was so desperate for her to eat that I let her sit on the windowsill next to our table. Of course Niya revolted against her high chair and would have nothing short of her father's lap after that! At the airport we had a cup of coffee before a tearful goodbye. M uncle had a last walk with his daughter and niece on either side of him...

When we had dinner on Sunday evening at home, Anika was very pleased to have her mama and papa all to herself. She was being extra charming and even ate a little to please me. Her mattress was back to our room and things were going back to normal. After her bath she did her usual wild running on the bed from one end to the other before finally being tamed for 30 seconds and wrestled in to a diaper for the night. She fell asleep quickly and deeply.

When she woke up on Monday morning she went running to Niya's room and was surprised to see the room was empty. She raised her hand in the air, as she did with her uncle and gave a quizzical look.

Even since Niya has left Anika reaches for the photo magnet of Niya on the fridge, holds it in her hands and walks around saying 'ka- ka' softly to herself.

restorative holiday

2007-11-27T15:07:00.000-08:00

Having D home for the past week has been wonderful. We didn't have any major plans just hanging around the house, doing errands and meeting friends. We really needed the down time. His job is so stressful and busy it feels as though during the week we don't have any time to even talk. He gets home, we have dinner, clean up, bathe baby and then its bed time, most nights I'm so exhausted I fall asleep while putting her to bed. This past week we did everything together going to the park, the doctor, eating, playing, cooking, cleaning..everything, he got to witness our mama daughter days. Thumki was spoilt rotten with both of us around ALL the time, even a slight little 'bunk' had to be kissed better by both parents. She was glowing with all the love. It was as if she knew it wasn't going to last long so she capitalized on papa time as much as possible..a happy side effect was that I had many morning coffees to myself reading and pontificating..aah bliss. I feel revitalised now, ready to take on long days once more.

Today we went for a play date to a public park by the lake. Mama E brought pumpkin muffins and apples. Thumki ate a little apple and then wanted to run around and explore. She saw the lake in the distance and kept walking towards it while saying 'Ya yome, ya yome' that's 'I want, I want'. She walked quite a long distance, undeterred by my pleas to slow down and collect some leaves, this was the purpose/theme of the playdate. She marched on resolutely till she reached the little lake. She was thrilled to see the sun glinting off the water and little ducks swimming around, she wanted to get in immediately! I had a tough time distracting her away from this desire.

She looked so adorable in her latest Nani made sweater...my camera is not working so I can't post a pic, if one of the other mama's took a pic I will put it up so mama can see her handiwork on her precious little grand daughter. I feel so lost without my camera, I have to have it fixed before our India trip. I have visions of choti playing in mapa's building and walking around in the macchi market pointing at all the cats in delight, chasing the dogs around the building and generally being a big star! She will LOVE it, little diva that she is. I'm really looking forward to going to Bombay and blogging there, I want to take tons of pics. I'm looking forward to meeting Sur and lil Sanah.

tryptophan zindabad!

2007-11-22T19:13:00.000-08:00

Turkey day at V&A's was delicious and decadent, we ate like pigs..V had the best plan, as always..that woman really thinks things through. We showed up at around 11 and the kiddos played a bit and then they were fed. The turkey and the timing did the trick, they both fell asleep by 1:30! We all actually had an adult conversation over wine and lit candles! It was a socially deprived toddler parents' dream come true..

We started with the best pumpkin soup I have ever tasted, I mean I had two bowls despite the other goodies that were to come. It was flavorful, tasty and soothing to the soul..

After that she had laid out (at the perfect temperature), carved turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes with marshmellos and slivered almonds on the top, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, a bean casserole, cranberry sauce and bread rolls..yum yum. I took two big helpings and ate like a queen(pig). When I think back I wish I had eaten slower. Being a mama makes you eat under the gun..I was so nervous that baby would wake up any minute that I shoveled..sigh..but it was first rate shoveling=)

After that I swear I was trippin on the tyrpto or was it the wine or just the good company? I was so full I plonked on the couch and watched Nemo with Nikhil. I had to drink 2 cups of very sweet coffee to stay awake...Baby was still sleeping, I could have eaten so much slower..damn.

We ended all the goodness with a fat slice of yummy pecan pie each..mmm..

It was just the best day and so fitting that we got to spend a day of thanks with friends we are truly thankful for.

can i blog with a baby in my lap?

2007-11-22T07:13:00.000-08:00

here take this doggy sticker..no don't touch that...dudu now? her word is 'ya yome' while poking the boobie. ok screaming has started..done b in m. kettle whistling downstairs..breaks off,

'toe ta to ya oooooo ooooooh', pointing in excitement.

'Yes that's the kettle for coffee..'

Today is Thanksgiving, we are very thankful for an invitation to V & A's place. I will post more about it later today. What else am I thankful for?

my child

my man

my ability to breast feed: no pic, my internet connection: no pic

some fun with baby

2007-11-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

Thumki and me made a birdie, I was inspired by this post on a mom blog. This mama is amazing, she is so creative and full of energy..if only I could do half the stuff she does.
We made it as a card for lil Kabir who is in bed..I must say I had more fun than thumki, she is still too young for craft projects of this nature, it didn't stop me from boldly going forth and purchasing 'craft supplies' galore! I also made a simple pull toy for her from an idea I saw on a PBS show today, it took 1 min and she LOVES it! I was setting out to make a train but she preferred to have two separate compartments!

Making fun out of nothing at all

2007-11-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

Ok its the beginning of a week of vacation, i need to chill and put away the snicker snacker for some peace.

I was sitting and enjoying a rare morning coffee alone, before she woke up and just about to start blogging when she called out..i asked D to take her because its his turn, considering I was a single parent yesterday all day, he came home after a work social event after she was asleep. Now this is unusual for him, I was happy he was doing something other than work and being dutiful at home because all work and no play does make him a dull boy. Anyhoo, so i was all supportive yesterday but in the fine print was, the long week is coming up, I can relax and get some much needed time to myself...He plucked her out of bed and plonked her next to me while I had the laptop on the top of my lap...er..hello? When you get her, you're responsible for the tasks that go along with the morning routine..susu, brushing, changing...? Alright its done, he's doing it, I should move on..

Parenting is tough on relationships, we argue over who does more..I think its important to have a conversation about chores. 50 -50 is the ideal, but is it practical? How do you compare tasks? How do compare work outside the house to cooking and childcare? Its hard to be very obsessive about scheduling/planning, I mean this is a family not a company, right? Earlier on we had tried to make a long list of things that need to be done, with names and days next to them..but it never works, never and it just creates more frustration and resentment when things do not go according to plan..I can't be like L who runs her household like a military establishment..you have to be home at this time, the kids have to sleep at this time, they watch only one hour of tv, no exceptions even if they cry. Dad has to make dinner on this day etc etc.

This morning D made a list of all that needs to be done in the time off and all the days have filled up with 'stuff' finances, appointments, cleaning etc. And this is his VACATION from a very stressful job..when does he get a chance to have down time? I guess as long as we keep going to the Park or taking Thumki on lil adventures in between all the work, it will feel like a holiday. I really want to buy some furniture and art supplies for her...

Ok this is perfect, while I'm sitting her pontificating dear D has thumki on the kitchen counter while he is putting together some flour to make pizza dough..baby is thrilled to be included, Now Anika, what we need is 4 and a quarter cups of flour'...Anika, 'Num num..mmm..yeh a aaah..a a a a,' arms flying. 'De dom'..Dad and baby are already on vacation, I need to go and join the fun!

Only creative outlet

2007-11-15T07:49:00.000-08:00

I'm back after a long hiatus of worrying and writing imaginary posts in my head. I suppose I am not as rational as I thought I was. Despite all the years of education I was superstitioius and worried about 'online nazar'..sigh...The lil one was sick for a while, nothing unusual just two separate infections back to back that had me paranoid...I'm back with some trepidation but mostly from major withdrawal symptoms..my blog is currently my only creative outlet..Ok that's all the time I have for today..more later.

This amazing pic was taking by a friend from my mom's group, Bonnie Berry She is an artist.

This amazing child

2007-09-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

These days Thumki amazes us alot. She is growing so quickly and her mind is so sharp. She has exhibited immense comprehension, memory, attention, humour, thoughfulness, concern...so small and yet her mind is expanding so quickly right before our eyes. I swear she understands EVERYTHING I say, this is just amazing to me...She has some new words, her latest is Wow..= )

Since when she was a lil one everytime a plane flew overhead I would wave and say bye bye airplane, now I suddenly see her waving and I'm not sure why...just as I'm asking her who she is waving to, I will hear the airplane! As I start to say,'Oh! mama just heard that." she smiles and points to her ears. I know this seems like nothing to most people but when I think about how I only just a few days ago showed her her ears with a word for them and explained that is where we hear from, it amazes me that she is able to put all this together so quickly.

Dh bought her a lovely picture dictionary recently and she is able to point out all sorts of things that I had no idea she knew...eg 'where is the hair brush or the broccoli or the banana or the car etc.' And this is from just her interactions with these things in the real world..its stunning, she is like a sponge who absorbs everything. Nowadays, I can tell her attention span is longer, she seeks me out to sit down for awhile to look at new things in her book, she listens intently as I blabber on about things...The human mind is beautiful. Mmasi was talking about 'The Institute of Human potentional' and mentioned that a child is a result of how much we put in, the output is directly proportional to the input. The days I spend alot of quality time with her, teaching her new concepts, she sleeps longer as if processing all the new info. Last night she said 'so sleepy' in her sleep, but she never says that while awake..

The other really cool thing is her quickly developing sense of humor..yesterday, she was sitting on the table while D and I ate dinner and she farted...she looked up at me to see if I noticed and when I met her eyes, she giggled! We all laughed for five minutes after that. It was hilarious, I guess I shouldn't make a habit of laughing at her flatulence!

She also plays by herself for much longer periods of time now. She has long conversations with her stuffed toys, making them walk around, or sleep or swim, ever since Sea world!

Since she's been a baby I made up songs about whatever we were doing. Today as we walked to the park I created a new hit. I sang this song to the tune of Old Macdonald,
Thumki and mama going to the Park,
Going to the park now..
We'll swing on the jhula
and zoom on the slide,
Up up down down down!'

She literally rocked her body to the beat all the way to the park! It was fun.

Since its gotten cooler we have a good routine of going to the park for an hour and half in the morning and about an hour in the evening, she absolutely loves it. If I let her she would stay there all day long and sleep on the rocks around the playscape. This past Friday she climbed up the steps and came down the slide on her own for the first time, she was thrilled. I was happy and oh so sad too..she doesn't need me to take her 'up up up' everytime now..she's growing up tooooo quickly, my little jaan.

Of Dolphins and Whales

2007-09-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we made a trip to Sea World in San Antonio with friends. Thumki slept for the entire 2 hour drive, so dh and I chatted like a romantic couple with no kids! When we arrived, dh was very thoughtful and dropped the mamas and kiddos off while the men parked the cars and walked longer in the hot sun. I love him for things like this...

V and I literally ran the whole way through the park for the Shamu show that was starting 5 mins from our AT..we huffed and puffed our way there and just as we sat down, three big whales came swimming underwater..Thumki spotted them and squealed in delight. We had a few minutes to feed them(the kids not the whales!) some snacks and water before the music and jumping(the kids and the whales) started. Dh and A arrived right in time and Thumki leapt into his arms. She watched the show standing in his lap transfixed and dancing...it was such fun.

We went to a little restaurant called Mango Joes to feed the kiddos, which seemed to take forever, but the kids made a game of it, running around the place, under and over things tossing goldfish around...we built up quite an appetite chasing them around. Thumki ate 2 french fries and raisins...and drank a lot of iced water.

After that we went to a pool area that had flowing water that you could coast through on large tubes...this promised to be fun. Thumki had other ideas, she was very irritated coz she had to wear an oversized life jacket that she kept trying to chew off..she fussed and chewed the whole way..no fun. I decided there was no point torturing her any further, so we got out and went to a 'lil gators' pool for babies, there was a little slide and maybe 1/2 a foot of warm water...This was a huge hit! Before we got in she was kind of fussy so I nursed her standing up in the diaper change area! Why oh why doesn't the human race provide a place for nursing mother's to feed the young of their species in peace?? Why am I forced to stand in toilets to nourish my baby? Anyway more rants on that in another post. After tanking up, Thumki was ready to rock and roll..she really enjoyed the pool..She sat and splashed the water, walked and splashed, walked under the rain like spray...smiling and laughing for an hour..it was lovely to see her so happy.

Soon it was time to go. We dried off the kids, gave them a snack and took them to the hotel. At the hotel she got a second wind, she jumped up and down on the bed, investigated the whole place, turned on the radio and the tv don't ask how she knows how to do all this...!

Then we set out for the Riverwalk, a very beautiful, romantic walk by an artificial river about a couple miles long. Thumki was beside herself with excitement nearly walking right into the water while shouting 'wa wa-wa-wa!' While the others ate, I took her on the bridge and she ran up and down screaming wa wa the whole time. At one point she was feverishly excited because a boat passed below us..she pointed and shouted 'ba ba go go!' It was a perfect night, 75 degrees F or 22 degrees celcius, a light breeze was blowing, a Bolivian man played a haunting tune on a flute and my baby and I were soaking it all in...

The next morning, I tried in vain to feed her the free continental breakfast, but she would have none of it. She turned her face in every direction and pursed her lips shut! Did I mention the previous night she ate nothing either? Anyway, I gritted my teeth and we went back to the park.

The first thing we did was feed dolphins. It was really exciting to be in such close quarters with these beautiful, big animals. They have such a happy air about them. You buy a plate of fish and they swim right up to you and eat out of your hands. After a bite they swim away playfully. We tried to have Thumki feed them but she was a little scared, she was happy to watch and point.

Then we went to the aquarium, it was cool and dark..our eyes slowly adjusted to the beautiful aquatic world. There were huge displays with sharks, jellyfish, bright coloured coral, eels, little fish, penguins swimming around like torpedoes..It was beautiful..But I have to say it paled in comparison with the Monterey Bay Aquarium, one of the most stunning aquatic displays I have ever seen...that place is just amazing. I can't wait to take Thumki there again, when she is older.

We rounded it off with a show of dolphins and beluga whales, with pulsating music and flying tapeze artists..Thumki jigged wildly and clapped everytime thw dolphin jumped, it was as though she knew them well now after having fed them in the morning..=)

She fell asleep before we could even exit the park! When we reached home she first hugged the cats and chased them aroud for a few minutes then she started begging for food..by this I mean while i was at the stove she was hugging my legs and making pleading sounds alternated with threatening sounds! When I finally offered her a katoriful of vege pulao and dahi she wolfed it all down..=) That really made my day..another fun weekend full of memories goes by.

Where have you been?

2007-09-07T13:01:00.000-07:00

No post for so long? I was actually asked to post by a reader..I puffed up with pride and decided to stop being lazy...So here's a post for you Priya masi, my one faithful reader=) This was written before the weekend..coming up soon the weekend fun post, stay tuned.

Rakhsha bandhan

2007-08-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

I have a cousin that lives in the same city and they have two boys 8 and 3..so ofcourse we had to tie rakhis...it was fun to doll up little thumki and take her last night.

I made kalakand, the easy way with badams, ricotta cheese and milk powder and it was yummy.

I also made besan ka ladoo which turned out pretty decent, not like mama's but good nonetheless. I put them in little cupcake holder paper thingies, it was very presentable and nice..the most fun was dressing thumki up. Her ghagra was in her way..

She was dragged about by the other children there and tried to valiantly hold her own..she is very independent spirited, she doesn't like to be cuddled unless its on her own terms..she enjoyed runnin around in circles with the cute 12 year old girl who was besotted with her.

The other 7 year old girl found out she likes shoes of all types and handed her a shiny chappal much to her delight.

When it came time to tie rakhis she just looked on quizzically..i tied on her behalf she just hung around watching me rotate the plate and ad teeka..she almost leapt on the diya.

bird moonwalk

2007-08-27T16:39:00.001-07:00

An old friend sent me this hilarious video..watch the numnum go! K danke! Ich liebe Ihren Sinn fur HUmor Sie verruckter Vogel, ihre biene

Aaj ka din

2007-08-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

Here is some tribal art created from things Thumki found in her morning outdoor adventure..we admired it..

only for a moment

then the canvas was lifted, inspected

and carried away for other experiments

She gave me company when I made her thepla, the first one I mixed with ghee and gur..my mouth watering the whole time..but she made a face...I couldn't waste it, no? So I ate it..yummm..

She ate a little of the plain one

The rest was fed to Palu who was not interested..sigh..why don't I just stick to gerber??

having a bad day

2007-08-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

Why won't she sleep? She slept badly last night and for her afternoon nap she slept 20 minutes...aaargh! I NEED sometime to myself...We had a good morning got her car seat checked up by a pro to see if it was installed correctly, actually found some issues, so it was good I went at 830 am..too early for us..On the way back we went to the library, she had a great time, flopping on the giant bear's lap and pulling board books off the shelf. she was given free reign of the kids section, so she had a ball..then after an hour it was time to head home, I fed her in the car and put her in the car seat asleep..ofcourse she woke and started screaming on the top her lungs until I could get in the driver's seat..I got a look of concern from a passing mom..what are you doing to that poor child? Look at your own daughter running in the street, lady...like I said, having a bad day.

When the car started moving she fell asleep. The drive was 15 minutes. At home, I carefully took her out of the seat..had her sleeping in my arms all the way upto the bed...I was going to put her down lightly, not yet breathing(that's me not breathing)..when at the last minute I panicked, on her back or belly? back or belly...? Why, why, why...why do I question the most obvious things at such a critical moment? It should have been back, the way she was positioned, but no I wanted to put her face down on the damn blankie we bought a couple days ago, so she could get used to it....BAD DECISION, I kind of plonked her down...and of course she was up..up up up..cranky and playful at the same time. Today I just needed a few to myself to have some chai and read a little before starting the housework...sigh...

Friends

2007-08-21T12:33:00.000-07:00

Just got some nice pics from a friend from a weekend trip at the beginning of the summer. This post is for you, V & A. Since we moved here they are the one family that feels comfortable. Their adorable son Nikhil who is almost 2 years old is Anika's boyfriend(they hug everytime they meet, see the kiss below) and guru..she watches and learns and we the parents get a chance to hang out and not be overwhelmed by constant parenting for the times that we can share the load. Here are some pics and a small blurb I wrote while Aniika took a nap....

June 9th, Port Aransas, TX 1:10pm

I'm sitting with my legs propped up at a windswept beach home in Port Aransas, TX. We are at V's familys' 41 year old beach home on an island just north of Corpus Christi. It is beautiful and muggy here. the damp salt air is clinging to my skin, I can actually feel the weight of the air, like Bombay. D and V are reading racy paperbacks, A and the kids are sleeping. All around us are sun bleached mementos of a family. The flags of the world are all one colour now, on the poster anyway. A wooden board says, 'Heaven's a little closer in a house by the sea,' that couldn't be more true. Thank you God for friends.

Family bed blues..

2007-08-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

Had a terrible night...thumki woke up every hour after 4am, plus once before that when I didn't look at the clock. I really want to believe in the family bed and it works well most of the time, the closeness and the snuggling are great but last night was terrible. She is not teething but she keeps waking up to snack..it usually happens after she has rotated and kicked me in the face or something and I try very slowly to make a few inches for myself..but she invariably wakes up in a few minutes and then the whimpering and searching for the boobie starts..I can't say no to her, she starts screaming and everyone is disturbed. We tried attaching the crib flush upto the bed next to me, no railing and stuffing pillows in the back, we have her favorite stuffed toys in there. We thought the extra space would give her undisturbed sleep but she only plays in the crib, she doesn't sleep in there..DH was getting into work late coz of disturbed nights, we tried to have him sleep in the other room for a couple nights but we both missed him. Last night when he came back, she was all over him, jumping on his belly, biting his nose etc..what a welcome=)

But anyway, I was so tired this morning..am everyday. I do not get a restful night of sleep and after some accumulation it takes a toll on my state of mind and body. I know I am not living in an optimised manner. Its not her fault, its my lack of training for her so far. She sleeps later than other babies her age do, because she needs some time with her father when he comes back from work...she is up until we sleep, which means no time for us together without baby..this is hard. I have to make a better routine for her. If DH would be consistent about the time he came home and we could have dinner finished by 7 and go for a family walk after dinner and then bath and in bed by 8pm...that would be sane..

According to Pri who is a family bed mama, you just have to get used to the lack of good sleep to enjoy hte benefits of warm, cuddly baby...there must be a middle road i can find...?

Chak de India: Five stars!

2007-08-14T14:05:00.001-07:00

This past weekend DH, Thumki and I went for Chak de India with trepidation, our last three attempts to watch a movie with baby in public have been frustrating, with thumki screaming to go from the first frame onwards..but this movie, her first Hindi fillum in true desi style she enjoyed, she started dancing in my lap like a good Indian baby from the start, the pulsating, loud music of Salim-Sulaiman was great. What a great movie, I really enjoyed it alot...Shahrukh is great, much like the Shahrukh in Swadesh, very real..and the team of girls..I loved them, great characters very endearing and refreshing.

Kabir Khan(Shahrukh), ex captain of the Indian hockey team coaches a team of girls, after 7 years in hiding post a lost game to Pakistan for which he is blamed and called 'gaddar', paki in indian clothing and other dramatic stuff...The coach trains the girls hard and makes them the 'Indian team' from a rag tag mix of 'state players'. Its a great sports film, of course its predictable but that doesn't matter, the characters are so much fun to watch, I found myself getting totally involved in their pain and gain..biting my nails through the finale. Chak de is a very well made film, very convincing sports film, good production, YashRaj films of course. The dialogues are fantastic. The casting is brilliant. I really liked the commentary on the farce of an 'women's team', Anjaan Srivastav plays the jaded, chauvanistic bureaucrat to a T..I liked the mixture of the girls, representative of the different worlds India lives in. I liked the political commentary and the questioning of the typical slurs..'you are madrasi?' no I'm Telegu...Telegu Tamil same thing, no? No are Punjabi and Bihari the same? The girls from Manipur and Mizoram are not pleased to be treated like guests. The girl from Haryana, Komal and Balbir form Punjab with her garam dimaag were fantastic. I also liked Bindia and her strong negativity, she wasn't folding easily. the script is text book..but the characters and dialogue lift this film way above the ordinary. It has great spirit! I loved the girl power....yeah..CHAK DE!!

This film is a sure hit, I can just see people watching it multiple times and learning the dialogues. It is a young, fresh movie with great music too, I'm going to buy the soundtrack, so thumki can keep shakin' to it! Chak de India made me very nostalgic and happy...GO WATCH IT!

Domestic efficiency program

2007-08-06T05:59:00.000-07:00

So you've got to do what you've got to do..there is no way around cooking, cleaning, laundry..so after thought and dodging over the years the plan is to tame the beast..organize tasks into bite sized chunks according to a PLAN so that I can have free time to do the stuff I really want to. After years of snickering at 'military organization' in the home i.e. preplanned menu for the week ahead, becoming a mother has made me realize the wisdom in that, gone are the days of standing in the kitchen waiting to be inspired by sundry ingredients..spontaniety and chores are not good friends..Anyway will spare my few readers the boredom of the banal details of my domestic travails. I am very inspired by moms at the dailytiffin and the mom at veganlunchbox

The Secret Life Of Words - Must See

2007-08-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

Saw a great movie over the weekend. Somehow managed to get Thumki to bed and DH and I watched it..we hadn't really heard of it in our current parenting blinker stage but we chanced upon it at the video store and agreed on it immediately..

Very good film, written and directed by Isabel Coixet..my first by her. Tim Robbins and Sarah Polley act brilliantly and Pedro Almodovar is the Producer. What an amazing, heart wrenching, captivating and memorable film. Its the kind of film that stays with you for days..Sarah polley is just brilliant..and the dialogue, the words are so good, the way they should be. The film is set on a dying oil rig in the middle of the ocean somewhere in the world. The film is the aftermath of an accident on the rig that is in its last days before total abandonment..there is consensus about this except for an idealistic oceanographer...this however is not an integral part of the film...but the little strand of idealism and the emotion is...everyone has a story, a past, all that's left is the stories and the words...I don't want to say much..please watch the film..it is not appropriate for kids.

Making a film is always such a mammoth task, but for a result like this..it must've all been worthwhile.

Ma am I a toddler now?

2007-07-26T16:03:00.001-07:00

I had a nice day on my birthday..I was woken up at 7am with songs, gifts and cards..I was mama papa and masi's star attraction..they kept hugging me and getting kinda weepy, atleast ma did. Papa said some cute things to me he said, "my sweetheart I hope you have a long happy life in which you help people and spread love whereever you go." Mama was incredulous, she kept saying I can't believe my baby is out and about and walking around, I remember when she was inside me..how can this all have happened so quickly? She was treating me liek quite a ladli all day long..I was massaged with some almond oil was bathing for a long time, I splashed water all over the place and even sat in the bucket for along time...it was fun.
After my bath I wore the dress that masi made for me
After that I checked email with masi, she even let me chew her blackjack..hehe birthdays rock, I could do no wrong, masi love is great.
Then Papa came home early from work and we went shopping at Central Market, I love that place I even got to sample some rosemary bread, but the most fun was the pink balloon the lady gave me..Shopping with a balloon is fun!
After that was the highlight of my day, when we came out guess what I saw?
Ducks!Ducks!
Hey Hey come here!
After all that fun we came home and cut a cake with all my friends, again there was the singing...what a lovely day
At my official party..chk out my ghagra choli, I liked the cake and I clapped too, much to my proud parents' delight. I told them not to get too accustomed to this performing on cue thing...

more pics from art party

2007-07-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

All these fabulous pics were taken by Melanei from the Other Mother's group..she did a great job capturing the adventure.

Thumki's Art Party

2007-07-25T21:56:00.001-07:00

Photogenic 072407
Originally uploaded by melanie_in_texas

Toddler Art party was fun fun fun..lots of delicious colors, naked babies, snacks and sunshine. Thumki was a little sceptical..she was not so sure about messing around too much..if only she would be so conscious of 'mess' while eating! The kiddos had a blast, one of the mama's Melanei took great shots, these are hers. The rest are here

Thumki n Sheroo

2007-07-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

Her big love for the cats keeps growing. These days she helps give them their food. I call out to her while gettign dinner together, "Anika can you give the cats their food?"..she toddles over to the cupboard where the dabba is and drags it out, no matter the weight and pushes it to their bowls, smilin gform ear to ear. Then one of us has to pick her up and she has to inspect while we put the food in their bowls. She has now learnt not to pick up their bowls while they are eating!

Chai n Parle G

2007-07-16T03:40:00.000-07:00

Its early and I'm up again, the insomniac mama, I have a cuppa chai and parle g biskies to keep me company..best combination in the world, except when they break off and become smush.. I woke up last night at 230am and made copious lists for Thumki's bday party. In the morning they were edited after discussions with the dh..i'm not practical enough, its true. The party will be at an indoor play area that is soft and carpeted and has a lava pit filled with giant red sponge squares imagine kids hurling themselves in at top speed. And there is a river with rocks, boats, a bumpy crocodile all in rubbery plastic for kids to jump around on. There are also random balls and slides all around..thumki loves this place, she always squeals alot and then conks out in the car on the way home..we figured kids would enjoy this and parents would be grateful for their tired babies..The main back and forth was about the food..anyway that's prolly too mundane for a blog..? There was another first this weekend, we took her to a pool! Our little water baby loved it..she was so cute in her little pink swimsuit, belly sticking out. It was a kiddie pool with 1 foot water and slides..I was paranoid at first but when she was all raring to zip down the slide into her papa's arms I had to relent..dh was good at catching her before she submerged. actually that thawed the ice between us, we had been arguing all morning about details..i hate fighting with him, it makes me feel negative about everything. After the pool we made a good compromise in the car about the party, we came sort of midway. He's right, we should do a few things well and focus on the important thing,the kids having fun...

Meeting other mothers

2007-07-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

I'm excited about a new meetup group I've joined of 'other' mothers they are into natural parenting, breastfeeding, homeopathy, yoga etc! Yay! Something to look forward to, they sound like a really interesting bunch of women. We are meeting for a toddler art day..I can just imagine Anika making a big mess with finger paints=) Can't wait! Shite! There she goes on the monitor..gotta run.

Honeymoon Travels Pvt UNltd.!

2007-07-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

Finally saw this gem of a film on DVD, the Indian store here had it in stock and I literally jumped on the shelf a la Milly on the deserted road this is mine this weekend! Loved it loved it loved it. This is a fun, modern, quirky, film with lots of fabulous women both on and off screen. Firstly Reema the writer, director did an amazing, original job...this was not at all like a debut film, so well done and not run of the mill. She had a chance to do the usual thing with an amazing production to back her up but she did what she wanted to, she took a chance and made a film that sprung i think from her love of fun, cinema and life. Shot by a woman Deepti Gupta, little miniscule power house..so beautifully shot, I really liked the wide lens shots of Goa, the movement, the dream sequence looked beautiful inspite of an irritating Amisha..i know i know it was her role but then she lost my sympathy when she said in an interview in the making of..(called Raves interestingly=)) that Pinky was such a cute character, so frothy and bubbly and cute whose favorite colour is pink, just like her she didn't even have to act coz she is just liek her ???

Ok ok moving on., back to Deepti...there's one shot in the film where you see Shabana and Boman behind a window, both framed on either side of a bleached out window..look like they are floating in space..this was an ethereal, beautiful shot from a Bergman film. The salsa sequence was beautifully lit and I don't think I've ever seen Raima looking more beautiful..I loved Shabana and Boman alot, the dialogue was fantastic, Anurag Kashyap is a many splendoured genius..

The crazy unusal women in the film were a treat...Dia points the gun at her husband and says she's going to shoot him before ditching him and running off with her boyfriend, Sandhya is brillaint and honest as usual, Raima did wonderfully too. I loved the parachute situation, poor Partho..'She must be traumatised..' cut to a screaming, crazed Milly..Shabana as Naheed was so true..her look, her demeanor, her tone, her camaraderie with Boman was so real. She is a great actor, Indian Cinema's Meryl Streep...When Boman sees an ugly where his old house used to be and feels dejected and old, she is so compassionate and real.."Main hoon na, at your service..Their relationship gave this otherwise funny and light film its few serious moments of depth.

The Men. Boman was spot on. I loved his character, Oscar and his relationship with Naheed. Abhay was really charming in his over the top role. When he was taking her to the jungle to reveal his secret I thought he was going to turn in to a werewolf or something! Anal little Partho played by Kay Kay was great. I loved 'the best day of his life'! That was just fantastic, a celebration of life, music, youth and sun..I really enjoyed that song. The outburst of the character complete with hugging Oscar(Boman) was just delicious.

Honeymoon Travels is a must see, original, funny, young, modern movie. GO GET IT! The 'Making of' section of the movie is almost as fun as the movie. Very nice vibe on set. Long live women filmmakers! Ok one line of back story..Reema Kagti and I went to the same Communications Course years ago. From day one she struck a chord, shes always lived life on her own terms..She always said I'm going to make a film..and she did. She stayed the course and made it happen. She is a unique little woman with great drive, talent and spirit..Hats off to you. Two of my batchmates have made Hindi feature films, Ruchi Narain and Reema Kagti..I am inspired to work on that damn script of mine that's getting cobwebbed in my brain..

She's Joined the Collective Consciousness

2007-07-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

That's what my poetic husband said about little Thumki..to describe the sudden amazing shift in her understanding, perception and expression. She understands everything..well maybe not everything, but it just amazes me that all this time when we were blabbing away to her in an unknown language, this little fresh new life was absorbing everything..eg Anika can you bring the Red car..she goes and picks it up and brings it over. Anika where is your diaper..silent pointing..Anika where is Daadi? Walks over to the mandir and picks up Ma's picture..goose bumps..after that one where's mama's nose is a non event..One other thing D said that was beautiful , 'Before it seemed like things would just flow through her but now they seem to stick, she's holding them'. Makes you realise just how important it is to be mindful of all your words and actions around a child. I am getting really sentimental about the fact that she is going to be a year old in a couple of weeks..I can't believe how quickly its all gone. Holding her in my arms for the first time and nursing her is still so fresh in my mind. Pushing her out and then seeing her little small, wet, white body leaning towards me from the nurse's arms..She knew me, she wanted only me, she loved me already and I loved her more than anything..I was so attached to her in one flash. Those moments of childbirth are the most spectacular of my life..my words are hollow, It was the truest most natural thing in the world..I felt the power of being a woman, I felt like a Godess, the word in my being was Shakti..

Walkie Talkie!

2007-06-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Thumak thallo is walking all about the place. She takes the most adorable small little tentative steps and lets out little excited squeals..she gets cuter by the day and more engaging. She expresses herself really well now she makes it clear wht she wants and doesn't like. She says mama, give , go, tat thats cat and many other organic self created words. She tries to sing along with music and she dances, boy does she dance...she loves to shake her little bum especially to remixed hindi movie songs with jhankaar beats..'mere piya gaye rangoon' really gets her going..its amazing. She wants to play all the time..! She is full of energy. She is sleeping right now, what i should be doing is either cooking or lookig for a job but I'm blogging. I figured a girl needs sometime o express herself too so she doesn't burst or completely fizzle both extremes are no fun. I have to work to make time for my brain and keep up with the media even reading about it and dreaming about my film. Already I am very tempted to just get a job, any job and pick up on my career later, but that's the easy way out..I need to push myself and reinvent. Life has given me a new challenge and I need to recreate myself and come up with a solution to keep my mind alive and some moolah coming in. If I drop the film thing comepletely I'll never pick it up again. If I can't direct right now I should stay connected and edit or write or take pictures or learn some software so I can create websites and also some graphics. I need to start puttign aside 2 hours a day to do stuff just for myself.

Austin

2006-04-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

Finally here in Austin. Is good to be here, I like it very much so far. Its a small big city, very laid back and verrry diverse. Its so good to see so much colour after white vermont. I've already eaten at 4 Indian restaurants since I've been here, eaten ice tamarindo paletas which is basically a tamarind flavoured ice cream from Mexico..yummmy, it feels so good to suck down an all ice cream in the heat. The lime flavour is almost as good as the kwality orange stick i used to live on in school in bombay. just had a craving for khichidi with ghee...mmm..gotta go make it NOW. more later

Pregnant pause

2006-02-17T12:56:00.000-08:00

Its been so long since I posted..lots been goin' on. D has already moved to Austin I am still in the NorthEast trying to finish my film so I can be reunited with my family...I am also really enjoying the preganancy alot now, I never thought I would say this but I am thinking of a second..ironic after my previous post. I have been eating alot which is fun and I am not nauseous anymore, I also have a lot more energy and I can't wait for the baby. I can't wait to have D's baby..what a thrill, I'm more in love with him now than ever before=) Its a very positive feeling to be carrying a life around in my belly. readign about violence around the world really bugs me now...it takes a lot to create a child and I hate to think of those precious children born of love and brought up with care with hopes and dreams being squandered away in wars.

Holy cats!

2005-12-09T18:05:00.000-08:00

NEWS FLASH: I'm pregnant and I have the pregnancy from hell. I am ravenous all the time, to the point that my stomach hurts if I don't put something in every 30 mins. Its completely ridiculous..this is not as much fun as it could be at all because I throw up everything I eat 5 times a day, morning sickness is just another euphemism to keep the ladies producing, try 24 hour sickness. The foods I can keep down are soy milk yuck crackers like paper bananas, cheerios, dahi rice and d keeps tryign to give me steamed broccoli yuck yuck. Also I have a constant headache, acidity, I'm tired all the time and I pee non stop. And the cherry, I cry and I mean sob for no apparent reason. i feel like I 'm being hazed...pregnancy is my pledging process..involving secret torturous rituals I have to go through to belong to the sorority of motherhood...this sucks. I've heard it gets better after the first trimester..from all that I've seen so far I know the worst is yet to come...all these poor moms have to go through all this torture an dmummy did it 3 times! WHY? Apparently birthing babies also involves losing brain cells..lets see how stupid I get...well I am being negative, I know, I know, I'm worried after my last failed attempt, I want to try and be detached, just incase I don't carry to term. We'll see. D is a darling, I can't imagine going through this without him, he is a darling...he has spent alot of time and money trying to feed me good nutritious food. God thank you for him.

Craving India

2005-11-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

Woke up early this morning, before the alarm went off. The sky outside my window was light blue with streaks of pink, it had such a fresh look to it. While I was still adjusting my eyes to the sight outside I felt a nudge on my back. Palu put his head under my arms and started purring..nice way to wake up. I went down, set up coffee, fed the cats and then stepped out into the balcony. It was cool and crisp outside. I looked at the pink tipped mountains in the distance and took a deep breath. The wind suddenly picked up and whipped my hair around my face..it always surprises me when that happens, when a sudden gust comes out of nowhere and assails me...

I sat down to work on section 5 of the film at 7:30 as planned and said to myself, let me just check my mail..and then of course I had to just visit my blog and some favorites..Man time flies quicly when you're reading other people's blogs, especially when you go to links of others, to others, before i knew it..an hour had passed. so ofcourse i decided to post an entry to have something concrete to show of my time.

When I read blogs of young people in India of their friends, their vacations to Goa or Uttarkashi or the koels out their windows or rickshaws, I feel like my heart will burst. It reminds me of too much of the lack of life I feel here. What I would give to look out of my window and see a gulmohur tree under which a smartly dressed child with wet neatly combed hair with a heavy yellow school bag stands and waits for his school bus, while a crow hops sideways to an abandoned piece of bread while a man on the street lights a beedi and another one feeds a brown dog a glucose biscuit. All the while a man is pushing his cart of peru to his daily spot under the tree. I miss India so much. Most times its easier to not go there at all in my mind...but at the same time I scour the internet for Indian writing to sort of pick at a scab...There is such a sad joy in reading a blog by someone in Bombay...It makes me miss having friends I can relate to at such a natural level. I know what they mean when they say things, I can see it. I crave that sense of comfort and ownership.

Mama M.I.A. South Asian Sista!

2005-11-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

Galang galang galang:Album Arular

Blaring Galang from Arular--fabulous! Recently downloaded it. Highly recommend the album to everyone! Picks me off this chair and makes me mooove..listen to it, buy it immediately. She was born Maya Arulpragasam in Sri Lanka and moved to London as a kid because of political probelms there. She is political and unique, did I mention she is also an artist? Her music is very contemporary, original and fun, fun, fun! It has a real mix of rap, hip hop, bhangraesque beats/feel, techno.. a big curry of international fabulousness, listen to believe. Ya Ya Hey! O way o way O way O O! Ya Ya Yay!
Check out her website: www.miauk.com

Some lyrics to get a taste of the fun:

Refugee education number 2: Dash your curry like you not in hurry
Me come from New Delhi me not got no worry
And if you fuck wit me I gonna dash mah curry..

a leaf falling off the tree of procrastination

2005-11-05T14:39:00.000-08:00

They are gone. The house is quiet and feels empty. We try to keep the TV on loud for the comfort of background noise. Today was a beautiful day here it was 64 degrees in the first week of November! Most of the leaves are down already thanks to the strong wind on Thusday. But there were still some trees with yellow leaves, and a carpet of leaves on the street...The bright sunlight gave the whole area a soft, golden glow as light filtered through the leaves.

We spent the afternoon bumming around downtown. We went for a walk to the waterfront and then went to Church Street for coffee. We talked with a beauiful woman, Grace. She was selling digital art created by her husband, printed and matted by her. They were really interesting pieces. Thay were pics of nature with hidden images within them, there was a beautiful mountain scape in which was embedded a naked woman in a fetal position, it was very intriguing and beautiful. We bought two pieces.

We are leaving Vermont in 6 weeks. I can't believe it. I will really miss it a lot. I have never been to texas before, and i haven't heard good things about it, except for austin, everyone says...so we hope that austin really is the little blue lagoon in a very red state. Moving away from here is really the end of an era in our lives, our first home after marriage..the south will be an adventure no doubt. i've been thinking i would like to travel all my life.

anyway i'm rambling..we watched Proof last night. It was an interesting movie. I LOVE Gwenyth and Anthony Hopkins, they were superlative. But Mr. Jake Gyllenhall, left ALOT to be desired, he was totally outclassed..when he came on I felt as though he had just walked in off a soap opera set and strolled into the wrong movie!Oh well.

Today poor Sheroo and Palu had their annual vet exam. They were so scared, they meowed loudly all the way in the car. while we were waiting with them in the lobby a dog showed up and started barking...sheroo just froze..when they were taken away from the canine they received two injections! Since coming home, he has crapped outside the box twice to show us what he thinks about his morning..sigh..my cat hates me =(

Call of the Loon

2005-09-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

This is a Loon on an Adirondack Lake taken by Dr. Nina Schoch. Isn't it amazing?

This is fun fun fun. I really love having my machine at home. i'm enjoying editing on FCP. I even have brand new keys for my keyboard with the shortcuts on them. Man I feel cool:) Loons are spectacular creatures I feel really lucky to have this opportunity to tell a story about a creature that has so much history. I have never heard a sound as beautiful as the call of a Loon piercing through a still dark night on an Adirondack Lake. I wrote R a long email yesterday describing the film and the bird, explaining it so a child would understand was really fun to do. It reenergised me and showed me how fun it can be to write with a specific audience in mind, especially a child.

Right now I'm reading an incredible book, Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I still have a hundred pages left. From all reports I've heard the end is brilliant so I'll refrain from commenting on it yet. I am also reading The Common Loon-Spirit of Northen Lakes by Judith McIntyre, the WCS Working Paper No. 20 by Nina Schoch which is lucid, beautiful and brilliant. Nina writes so well, knowledge becomes a pleasure, I never feel like I'm plodding through something esoteric. Her writing is informative and precise. She is also an excellent photographer, the photo on this post is hers. I'm also enjoying Loon Magic by Tom Klein, he is a true Loon lover, you can feel it every sentence. The Loon inspires these people to do good work, I hope some of the Loon's magic will rub off on me too.

'On boreal lakes, spring's announcement and summer's promise are heralded by loon music. As newly thawed lakes sparkle under an April sun, the loons fly in, drop down, and land abruptly on their summer homes. They look quickly beneath the water's surface, then raise their heads and tell the world that the spirit of northern lakes is in residence' - from Dr. McIntyre's book.

Good times

2005-09-10T05:11:00.000-07:00

Finally ma and pa are here. its wonderful to have them at our home sharing our lives. they are real karmayogis from day 1 their mission has been to help out in every way possible. they understand we do all housework ourselves and try to follow the loose regimen of cleanliness we have going. if u're wondering what cleanliness..we cleaned this ship from bough to stern like there is no tomorrow, it looks pretty orderly, surprise surprise! i was worried about being distracted too much from the edit but they are quite the slavedrivers, they literaly ignore me during the day so that i can get my work done, they expect nothing and instead have taken on the responsibility of cooking:) reminds of my icse days..hey i'm not complaining. my g5 arrived in all its spanking silver glory towering over my head on the work desk, it has fcp installed and i am digitising loons on bogs hooting their tails off as they incubate their eggs. i love these birds, they are so beautiful and fun to watch. i'm going to have a very tough time tryign to get this film into good enough shape before the VO artiste's arrival on 10/12...its really not enough time at all. anyway, i aim to finish a cut with all the segments atleast by the week of the 3rd of oct so that i can show it to carol before heading off to dc. she can then give me very specific feedback on what is needed from those folks...i have like 3 weeks to do this. it is very difficult but not impossible. sigh same ol' story.

Middlesex

2005-08-24T10:32:00.000-07:00

I just finished Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginides in time for book club this evening. Wow. I was blown away, I didn't want it to be over.

Cal was a very interesting narrator, her description of her love for Object and the final acknowledgement of that love from the object, with ' the first and last kiss' was just amazing. i was so nervous when she was stoned in the outhouse with the stupid brother..when he had opened up her overalls and she was still hovering over object, i couldn't take it. I had to get up and make some tea to delay the 'entry' into a no fly zone...gosh it was excruciating. I got so involved in cal's life I couldn't bear to finish reading the book. The end was just breathtaking, the conversation between Desdemona and Cal, who I really had been wondering about for a while..where the hell did yia yia disappear to and there she was for the spectacular end.

Jeffrey is amazing, so sensitive. I can't believe he isn't a hermaphrodite. He spoke so convincingly in the first person I thought I was reading an autobiography...it was kind of how unbelievable it was that the narrator in Memoirs of a Geisha was a white male and not a japanese geisha.

The story was very well told, besides I realized I really did have so many questions about hijras when i saw them in bombay, whenever I asked around I would either be told oh they are just men dressed up like women to make money or there was another gross story involving horse hair and castration..there was always mystery surrounding them. It was interesting to get such a personal account and to learn about these people, who seem to have a more complete perspective of both sides. What was amazing was the observations of Cal...about both sexes..so perceptive. I could really feel the agony of Calliope, I knew her as a girl..and then saw her struggling in a male world. Very interesting, unique stuff. In a way i was a voyeur at the 69ers too..i didn't watch them in fish tank, but i wanted to reveal the mystery of this character. Very satisfying read, I shed tears at quite a few points.

The other interesting part of the book was the history of modern America through the eyes of these greek immigrants, it was educational and engaging. I able to get a sweep of American history from 1922 to 2002 through the story of one family that I really cared about..i found myself colluding with Desdemona and Lefty, i hid away their secret too..

Writers are amazing..to be able to get so deeply into something, to have such vivid imaginations, insightful observations and tell a story so captivating, I read for 6 hours straight, I couldn't do anything else. Jeffrey Eugenides is a great talent.

Water off a duck's back

2005-08-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

I haven't yet decided about Mac or PC. I feel mac but the chip change worries D..I know what he means but I could resell it right? there will always be folks who want the G5? Lets see this weekend though it has to happen, I have to get my machine by next week otherwise I am screwed. I'm at the point where the deadline nightmares have started..Everyone shows up for dinner and I've forgotten to cook. Sigh.

P is a darling, she told me such good things today. Focus on all the positive things in life. Always keep the faith, don't fear bad things, they may happen but if you are internally strong you will have the right frame of mind to survive anything. Always keep your ideal and path in focus and keep working towards achieving your goal, don't let petty small things bother you. there will always be transient annoyances or people that try to bring you down but if you focus on the dream and the goal and not get distracted by superficial things..nothing will affect you, hurt will be like water of a duck's back. Keep smiling, people will get tired of trying to bring you down if their negativity isn't working.

She is fine

2005-08-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

I finally spoke to her today, she sounds normal under the circumstances. She is much much better, they did take a second blood test through a different doctor and confirmed she has malaria and not lepto. She had a severe reaction to the malaria medication, she was weak and nauseous. As a result of the nausea she couldn't keep any food in her system which made her weaker. She was hallucinating very negative thoughts, having cold sweats, tremors, difficulty breathing, heart palpitations. She was rushe dot the hospital at 3am. It sounds like a very severe reaction to quinine, a drug that can have strong side effects, her WBC count was way down and she had no food in her body to counter act it..sounds like a bad trip with paranoia. She said she felt like she was about to die, she had a sinking feeling and her heart was fluttering...my poor darling piyu.
Anyway she is much better now. Her son hugged and kissed her and said mama give me your sickness...he ran to find her cell phone and called the doctor on his own, he also made her lime juice, he is 8 years old. Her daughter's class made her a card from all of them. My sister is surrounded by love, she will be well soon.

Hardsoftware

2005-08-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

Its finally time to put my money where my mouth is. Its time to spend close to $10K on my post production equipment. I will have a super fast computer with a big, fast brain and lots of storage space. I will also have sexy software to edit, animate and create. 5 years ago I was fighting to get a time slot on one machine at the institute and now I'm fixin to buy my own...I guess that is progress...I'm looking forward to paying it all off in blood and sweat:)

I have a lot of work to do, i have been procrastinating for the past week. 7 days of bullcrap..this and that, publishing blogs, cooking, laundry, basically unnecessary stuff. Oh well this is my trademark..the inertia before the big push. I am ready to take on this bear. The scary thing though is to get this film done beautifully. I think I have good material, but I know I should try to get done sooner rather than later coz I know there are holes, I will find I am missing shots and material. ZONE ZONE ZONE, Channel my energy to a focal point. Please inner strength make yourself surface. Stop blogging, start working.

Ok before I go, one more thing. i have a movie recommendation. 'ME and YOU and EVERYONE we KNOW' by Miranda July..man what a movie. Her creativity and prolificness have truly shamed me. I loved the movie if anyone reads this blog let me one more person who plugs it. Very creative, funny, thought provoking, artistic and unique...GO WATCH IT. All is right with the world when her movie gets awarded at Cannes and Sundance. http://www.meandyoumovie.com/?referer=%2Fmeandyoumovie
Other recs for the week: CRASH and MARCH OF THE PENGUINS..wow Indie Prolifico time. Rejoice. I had some pangs of jealousy and insecurity but mostly just happiness that people are making real movies and independent voices are being expressed and endorsed. Long live ifcfilms and lionsgate. March..was Warner Independent, wow looks like all the big wigs want a piece of the action too. Why don't I wake up and smell the coffee? There are people willing and open to producing new work from new filmmakers. Its going to happen, the feature, the festival circuit, the fun I got into this whole mess for...IF I MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Bad thoughts

2005-08-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

I miss home. I can't believe the flood images I saw 2 weeks ago. Its tough to miss all the big things and worry from a distance. I read online about leptospirosis-it doesn't sound good. P has the same symptoms-it is treatable but needs to be addressed immediately, if not consequences can be severe to organs. I hate to think if P as internal organs. They haven't yet done a blood test to determine if its lepto or not..why not? anyway they feel i'm freaking out and being too american, they feel its all just political this epidemic 'stuff'. i don't care what the motivation is, i care about the possibility that she may have contracted a disease that occurs by exposure to animals urine in tropical areas carried through water. contracted between 2 days to 4 weeks after exposure...symptoms are fever, nausea, depression, loss of appetite and muscle pain- she has all. anyway finally the blood test will be done tomorrow. i pray she is getting the treatment she needs in a timely manner.